#125 Searching for new job on company time / Can’t get there from here
DEAR ABBY: I have been searching for a new job (unbeknownst to my current employer), and have been fortunate enough to get a few interviews. For the most part, they have been scheduled during business hours. I feel guilty making excuses to get out and attend them. What would your advice be for someone in my position? Is there a better way to get around having to make up excuses to my employer? —FEELING GUILTY IN TEXAS
DEAR FEELING GUILTY: I can think of two. When your interviews are being scheduled, let your prospective employer know that you’re still working and ask if your Interview can be before or after work or during your lunch break. If that’s not possible, then rather than lie to your boss, ask to come in later or leave early and have it subtracted from your "personal time." —ABBY
Hi Guilty: It’s obvious that you have not been ready to have life work as you say you want; you’re still on the way down. Most people unconsciously create a circumstance (divorce, accident, or sickness) that inspires them to go straight; others are proactive and ask for support. It's not serious unless you read this reply and still choose to not clean up the messes.
You became stuck after your first childhood lie, the one for which you didn't get caught, such as; "Did you brush your teeth?" Most everyone is still paying themselves back for their very first lie. We each dramatize our first perpetration differently. Some handle it quickly, others drag it around a while or for life. Your letter is about you unconsciously setting up life to get caught for the first incident of deception. If it doesn't readily come to mind, then you need to create some room to see it by doing The Clearing Process, (see below). After each clearing you'll start to remember more and more perpetrations you've hidden even from your self. Arrogance is believing that you got away with it, that there's no correlation between present-day results and incompletes.
You haven’t learned from direct experience that there are undesirable consequences for deception. Just as one learns from putting their hand over a flame so too does one learn from lying (you understand the concept of lying, you just haven't gotten it as an experience yet). The choice to tell the truth is still not an automatic way of relating for you. Your deceit and lies haven’t cost you enough yet. Actually they have, you just can’t see the consequences in terms of love, health, fulfillment and therefore the experience of prosperity.
You don’t say what’s wrong with your present job but I suspect that your integrity has something to do with your dissatisfactions; goodness knows what perpetrations you committed so as to get hired. I’d place a small wager that there are omissions and inaccuracies on all of your job application forms.
I’m guessing that none of the interviewers for your new job (assuming they responsibly determined that you are presently employed) were ethical enough to ask, "Do you have your boss’s support in taking off from work for this interview?" A person of integrity can sense when there is deceit in the space—it’s an aura thing. A person who is out integrity has so many out-integrities that they can’t sense when another is dragging around deceptions. In other words, you’re automatically attracting employers who themselves have character flaws similar to yours (interviewers always always mirror the integrity of the CEO). I’m referring to the fact that the interviewers have unconsciously supported you in deceiving and thwarting a fellow merchant. Not smart karma-wise (for more about the consequences of deceit go here ).
You’ll notice that I’m not offering advice. Why? If a person addicted to deceit is offered "good" advice they won’t be able to make it work because it doesn’t come from their mind. Notice that even though you "feel guilty" you still couldn’t bring yourself to do the "right" thing, to correct the mess.
You ask if there a way to get the results you want without having to be honest with your boss. It's interesting that you think a columnist would help you design a work-around to the option of honesty. I’m wondering if your boss is aware of your addiction to deceit and is non-verbally (psychically) intending for you to take your integrity issues elsewhere, perhaps to competitors.
The question to ask is, would you hire you? —assuming you’d be looking for an employee who can be trusted to communicate openly, honestly, and spontaneously.
You need to consciously create a mind-altering experiential transformation (via therapy, counseling, or communication-skills coaching, hopefully not via an illness/accident which are typical motivators for going straight) else, you’ll be training your spouse, children, friends (and employees if any), to deceive you. There are no exceptions to this fundamental communication mirroring phenomenon.
Bottom line: It’s great that you wrote. It’s an important and essential step towards having life work. Your question is an unconscious request for support in restoring your integrity. When you’re ready, visit The Clearing House and do The Clearing Process (it works and it's free).
As always, with all replies, I’m talking to myself of 50 years ago. —With aloha, Gabby
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