#24 Co-worker conducting second job on company time / Employees mirroring CEO's out-integrity
Dear Abby: One of my co-workers, "Roger," conducts business for his second job—real estate—every day on company time. Everyone in the office can hear him "selling" on the phone.
My office mates and I find Roger’s real estate paperwork scattered all over the place—left in the copier or fax machine, even in the lunch-room. He is constantly surfing the Internet looking at houses.
Roger is a nice person with a sweet wife and three little kids. However, my office mates and I see the side of him that is without morals.
I for one, don’t know how to treat him. All employees sign a "code of conduct" each year in order to continue working for our company. The document clearly states that employees are to report anyone conducting outside business on company time.
I’m torn about what to do. I don’t want to ruin this man’s career, but I feel I have broken a pledge by not reporting him. What’s the answer, Abby? WORKING WITH A CHEAT IN MICHIGAN
DEAR WORKING: The person in the office who is closest to Roger should have a heart-to-heart with him, conveying the sentiments of the rest of the employees. If that doesn’t do the trick, then all of Roger’s co-workers—including you—should sign a letter to the bosses informing them about the breach in company policy. The names should be listed in alphabetical order.
Roger’s behavior is not only dishonest, but it also undermines office moral. A warning from his supervisor may teach him a lesson and get him to shape up. If he’s lucky he won’t be dismissed. —Abby
Gabby's Reply
Hi Working: Your letter does not address the problem. Worded responsibly, and from integrity, it would read, "How do I disappear the fear I have in my relationship with a co-worker?"
As written it reveals you are stuck in covert sabotage of your CEO and that you blame your co-worker.
It also reveals that you are unaware of the effects of an unacknowledged out-integrity (a perpetration) by even one employee on the outcomes of a group, company. organization or team. For example, would you trust a brain surgeon who is cheating on his/her spouse to operate on your brain?
Your signature, "working with a cheat...," indicates that you are unaware that you are talking about yourself. Roger merely mirrors your own "morals." Worse yet, all the employees are mirroring the out-integrity of your CEO.
Your use of the words, "…I feel I have broken a pledge…" indicates that you are in denial. "Feel?" A responsible statement would be, "I have broken my agreement and I have supported my co-workers in badmouthing another and in thwarting management as well." You have read and understand the company’s "Code of Conduct" but you haven’t owned it. In the enlightenment game understanding responsibility is the booby prize.
Also, acknowledge yourself for your integrity. Of the millions in the workforce who daily create and condone such perpetrations, you alone, among all of them, are bothered enough to reach out for support. It reveals that your integrity, though "out," is relatively close to the surface. Although you have a few unacknowledged perpetrations (keep reading) you don't yet have so many that you are no longer bothered by deceit.
Because your problem is extremely common throughout the workforce, I’m going to mention here that your CEO has sabotaged him/her self. Like Roger, he/she has unconsciously set it up to get caught for a perpetration, one that is hidden from everyone.
To begin with: It is irresponsible for your CEO to dump such a "code" in your space without making it clear exactly how to support it, and, without having you verbally agree (to his/her face) to honor it. As you can see signed agreements, created by only one party to the agreement, of themselves don’t work. What you signed is what's referred to as an illusion of an agreement. Because it was not communicated it was not co-created; it’s just the CEO’s good idea of how they want employees to behave. They have had no intention for it to be honored. How do we know? We know because it’s not being honored. The CEO is missing the respect it takes to inspire integrity.
Another problem is that you have a CEO who is lacking certain fundamental leadership-communication skills. Not to worry; all commandants of military academies are missing these fundamentals. All commandants issue (as opposed to communicate) the "Code of Honor." Issuing, handing out, going over, or saying the rules, creates a context that guarantees they will not be honored. All officers (yes all) in the military now are themselves out-integrity. Each academy graduate, if asked by a communicologist, one skilled at creating space for the truth to be told, are able to recall one or more infractions of the "Code of Honor" rules by their fellow cadets for which they did not handle the incident per the "Code" [...confront the perpetrator and ask them to report themselves...]. Such powerful codes "delivered" hypocritically by an individual who themselves are out-integrity do not get co-created and owned. Employees and cadets alike have absolutely no choice (none what-so-ever) but to mirror the integrity of their leader.
Notice also that your leadership-communication skills have caused (unconsciously intended) others to badmouth Roger behind his back. You have been the leader of the conspiracy. Instead of you acknowledging to him his perp the very first time, you set him up to do it again and again. This is covert sabotage. You have conveniently forgotten that it was you who unconsciously intended for things to get this bad. You see it’s really all about you.
It would work for you to make an appointment with your CEO and get clear exactly how to handle a person who is breaking a rule. Then ask the CEO to communicate the process to everyone.*
I have found, from facilitating weekend-long communication skills workshops, and support groups, over a period of 30 years, that it takes me three hours to communicate ten agreements to 1 or 10 participants, and, between 5 and 10 hours to communicate the same agreements to up to 100 participants, so that they are gotten, owned, honored.
What you're dealing with is your own fear. Use the incident to get counseling/coaching. Ask the facilitator to help you locate and complete the very first similar incident in your life. You are still handling similar incidents based upon an unconscious decision you made on how you handled that first one. There’s a perpetration you have not acknowledged. Until you acknowledge it (first to yourself and then most likely to your parents or a teacher) you will keep re-creating "Rogers" in your life to remind you to do so.
Tip: The incident will include you damaging another's reputation, possibly getting them in trouble because of your machinations. You will get value from reading about The Community Support Group. It's about how we, you and I, back in grade school, unconsciously intended those now in jail, to be there, and how we still are intending them to fail upon parole. Another memory trigger (to help you recall unacknowledged perpetrations) is Reunion Conversations.
BTW: The company rule, "that employees are to report anyone conducting outside business on company time," will keep creating these messes. It doesn’t support responsibility. Rather it supports "behind the back tattle-tailing." Written supportively it would read, "... I agree to confront the perpetrator and ask him/her to acknowledge the perpetration to their immediate supervisor, and then acknowledge, to me, that they have done so." Such a policy can only be issued when there is also an agreement to communicate openly, honestly, and spontaneously (zero thoughts withheld), through to mutual satisfaction, and that no punishments will be issued. Thank you for your letter. Millions have the same problem. —Gabby
* Given your fear I recommend that you begin by making a hard copy of this post and slipping it to your CEO (it could be extremely challenging for you to have certainty that they got and read it). There's absolutely no way you can make a difference unless he/she is willing to acknowledge the effects their leadership-communication skills, such as they are, have had on his/her staff and employees. The results will either be transformational or more of the same (actually things will go downhill if your CEO ignores the condition and doesn't engage the services of a communication skills coach). It will not work to fire Roger or his manager.
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