What is a marriage of neccessity?

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What is a marriage of neccessity?

Postby Gabby » Fri Sep 16, 2011 12:29 am

Esabelly asked this question on another topic. I've moved it here.

Dear Gabby:

What is a marriage that is done only for necessity? My ex husband remarried last december, and he said it was a marriage out of necessity. He said his marriage is okay, and will not talk about it. What does that mean?


Hi Esabelly,

What comes to mind is a shotgun wedding in which the father threatens to kill the guy who "seduced" his daughter. Such a marriage is of necessity. Another could be marrying because of a pregnancy that has to be hidden so the wedding takes place, of necessity, quickly. Another possibility is that he fell for an illegal alien—here you can make up your own story as to what might prompt a necessary marriage. Couples not "in-LOVE" marry for reasons; a humongous tax shelter could be thought of as necessary.

His reluctance to talk about it suggests it might not be a commonly accepted or easily understand reason. It could be that he intuited that you would make him wrong if he told you.

I'm concerned about your concern. Something else is going on; that you would have such thoughts about your ex is not healthy.

I'm wondering what your present relationship with him is now; when men say their marriage is "okay" it's a covert communication that they are masterminding a divorce and they are open to ... And more importantly, what's going on with you that you would create him treating you like that? For example: "Hey ex, either talk or leave. I'm not tolerating you shutting down communication, controlling me."


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Joined: Sat Apr 28, 2012 2:12 am

surprized thanks

Postby TylerDust » Sat Apr 28, 2012 12:53 pm

Sorry, what?

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Re: What is a marriage of neccessity?

Postby Gabby » Sat Apr 28, 2012 3:53 pm

Hi TylerDust,

Thanks for browsing Dear Gabby and for taking the time to register.

Please keep in mind that the primary purpose of the tips and letters is to serve as reference material, (examples) for our tutorial participants. Each letter is a addressed to a specific person and so the reply communicates mostly to that person; feedback from guests tells us that others get value from reading them.

I can get upset, and angry, and abusive, but to answer your question, I don't think of you as a "sorry" person no matter "what" others may say. :lol: In other words, I'm not getting the specifics of your cryptic comments in this and your other identical post. It doesn't feel good. It comes across as a covert irresponsible make-wrong; in communication jargon we refer to such quips as dumps (as in, dumping thoughts in another's space without an intention for it to feel good for the recipient). Self-righteous, smart-ass, abusive, addicted to making others wrong so as to be right, are some thoughts that come to mind.

Before you post again, please do the The Clearing Process, it's free and it works; it will create space for mo betta communication between us. Upon completion, I can give you some suggestions about how to disagree accurately and have it feel good.

With aloha,


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