My girlfriend wants a break (maybe indefinitely)

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gman3850
Posts: 1
Joined: Tue Aug 02, 2011 11:06 am

My girlfriend wants a break (maybe indefinitely)

Postby gman3850 » Tue Aug 02, 2011 11:22 am

Dear gabby,

Sunday my girlfriend that ive been going out with for nearly 2 years said she wants a break. She said she has lost the lust and passion for me as a lover and wants to be best friends again. For a little background ive known her for about 4 years and I liked her the moment i met her. We became best friends, but i could never get up enough nerve to ask her out. One day she asked me if i liked her and would like to go out with her and i was thrilled. Also i would say out of the two years we probably haven't seen each other a total of 80 days and the longest we didn't see each other was 5 days and that was over a fight. Over the 2 years we never really fought. The only fight we ever really did have was when one night i was in a bad mood from work and was kinda picking fun at her she took it literal and was texting her best friend (who doesn't get along with me at all). Well i rolled over in my sleep and i saw the last text she sent and the last text from her friend and got mad at her and told her to leave cause i didn't want to fight. We had that fight about 5 months ago and during that fight she said it seamed like we were working harder to be in love than at the begging.

Now the problem is is that she doesn't love me the same and just wants to be friends for a while and see what happens. Well I don't know if I can sit on the sidelines and just be the friend. She was my first everything and I was hers. I just don't know what to do

Gabby
Site Admin
Posts: 385
Joined: Sat Mar 26, 2005 11:24 am

Re: My girlfriend wants a break (maybe indefinitely)

Postby Gabby » Tue Aug 02, 2011 12:33 pm

Hi gman3850.

I get your frustration, confusion and hurt. To resolve this problem you need to start communicating responsibly, from cause. Presently you’re operating from needy-victim as opposed to knowing that you, using your leadership-communication skills, have (albeit unconsciously) masterminded this outcome.

Firstly, we have to be willing to acknowledge that what you’ve been calling communication ain’t it. Communication is always mutually satisfying whereas talking produces supposedly undesirable results. I say “supposedly” because somewhere here your genius is at work, you just can’t presently see why you would intend this situation. Five years from now you'll look back and see that this was a fortuitous fork in the road.

When a problem persists there’s a lie somewhere. One clue is your covert blaming, “We had that fight. “ as opposed to, “I started a fight.”

It’s got to be your idea that you got her to distance herself in the relationship, else you’ll end up dramatizing your poor me victim act. Go camping (by yourself) or on a vacation or start working out; use this opportunity to study communication, anything to give your mind something to do. Few are aware of the major benefits of chanting. When you chant you're mind is not thinking the usual thoughts it does throughout the day. Different/no thoughts produce different/new problems.

One thing we do know is that you are not experiencing love; what you're experiencing is definitely something else. You're remembering a memory of the last time you experienced the experience of love. How do we know? Because if you loved her you'd jump at the opportunity to create space for her to be happy. Begging and pleading, making her uncomfortable, forcing her to defend her wants, is not a gift of love.

I don't recommend that you try "talking" with her as you'll only produce more of the same.

I recommend that you do The Clearing Process, it will assist you in restoring and maintaining your integrity.


With aloha, Gabby

Last edited 10/31/17


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