Making others do wrong

Post your own question to Dear Gabby
Posts: 2
Joined: Sat Apr 09, 2005 9:56 am

Making others do wrong

Postby Sami » Sat Apr 09, 2005 10:04 am

Making Others Do Wrong Things:

No one makes another do bad things (hurt someone, steal, lie, cheat). Everyone has free will.

A person can try and seduce someone into doing bad and evil things but it is up to
the person being 'seduced' to resist. If they give into temptation, they are to blame.

Sometimes people do evil things to others and then accuse the person they hurt of making them do it. They are abdicating responsibility for what they chose to do.

If a man beats a child , he chose to do it. No one made him. He is responsible for his own actions. No matter what. He is responsible and his actions will be judged.

It is very irresponsible to blame a 'mastermind' for what you chose to do. If a woman cheats, she can not blame her husband for making her cheat. He did not
drive her into her lover's arms. The husband did not manipulate the woman into having an affair.

In my opinion, the counseling in Dear Gabby gives power to the people doing the abuse and gives no empathy to those who are hurt. If someone is hurt it is because they made the abuser do it, they seduce him to do it, they intended for him to do it all along, they manipulated him into doing it, they drove him to do it: the person hurt was the big mastermind. What about the person doing the hurting?
They are off the hook; they become the victim. This is a dangerous way to think and it means the person who 'chose' to do harm abdicates all responsibility for his actions as he accuses, "You made me do it."

Sorry, no one can make you do anything. It would be better to learn self-control and resist temptation and pray to God for strength, then to simply blame the person you are lashing out at. The person who does harmful things to others must feel a lot of shame, especially if they do not have the self-control to stop themselves. So they find a way to cope with their lack of self-control: they hand over the responsibility to the person they hurt.

When Dear Gabby doesn't know all the facts of a story and makes comments like,
"You rewarded his unethical behaviour", "You were seducing him into doing bad",
"you intended for her to seduce him".....chills run down my spine because this is in my opinion a big is saying that someone else makes others do wrong.

Everyone has free will. Everyone has a choice. No one makes you do bad. You have a choice. A husband can not make a wife have an affair, he can not drive her to it. If she believes this, she doesn't have to take responsibility for her actions.

With regards to the man who's wife cheated on him, he should not take responsibility for her actions. Maybe they are having problems and maybe he wasn't giving her enough attention, but it is up to the wife to discuss her feelings with her husband, if she's feeling unfulfilled. She shouldn't cheat and think to herself, "Well, my husband is driving me to do it, my husband actually is seducing my lover to commit adultery with me, yup, it's all my husband's fault."

People can't make you do bad, people can't make you do bad, people can't make you do bad. You choose to do bad all on your own because you have free will!


Site Admin
Posts: 386
Joined: Sat Mar 26, 2005 11:24 am

Postby Gabby » Sat Apr 09, 2005 10:07 am

Hi Sami:

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. You sure are carrying around lots of anger and pain. Your points would be much easier to follow and get if they were not written in anger. Your's is what's referred to as a knee-jerk reaction. You say you have choice and self determination yet you had no choice but to react, to post. You are in fact addicted to arguing, to being right, and to making others wrong.

That which pushes our button is a subject that's incomplete for us. Incomplete here meaning, you have a charge on something you read. This charge comes from your very first childhood incident, a communication, an interaction, in which you lost. It didn't end up mutually satisfying. Now when you read about cause and responsibility it pushes your button. You are still back at age ___ trying to be right about something you didn't cause. It's not just that you're trying to be right, you're also intent on making others wrong. If you could have seen your face when you were writing your post you'd not have seen a happy centered person.

I recommend that you do the Spouse Abuse Tutorial, use it to locate (recall/remember) the source of your anger, the very first incident. Once identified and communicated the charge will disappear and so will the anger. As it is now, your anger serves as a barrier to communication. As valid as your points may be you come across as an arrogant, self-righteous, lecturing, wounded child.

You'll notice that your first reaction to reading this reply will be to want to pump out another angry post. That's your anger, not Gabby's. It will be there when you are 80 unless you complete it. Do your best to let it go. I'm not worth the energy. Instead, choose to do something that makes you happy. Trying to change Gabby's mind is like trying to change diapers on a crocodile. The ideal is to choose to experience the anger as opposed to doing what you normally do which is to strike out as a means of getting relief. It's inconsistent with your intelligence to argue with Gabby.

Being clear about responsibility (cause) gives one the choice to not react when they hear another speak who is stuck in becoming clear. It's no big 'ting. The same goes for lying. Once you are clear about lying, you'll have space for your child to lie, instead of making him/her wrong for lying.

With aloha,


Return to “Ask Gabby your own question”