Estranged from daughter and grandkids
Posted: Sat Jan 17, 2009 7:19 am
Dear Gabby,
What I am realizing now is that my daughter and I have had a reversed relationship. My biggest fear was losing her to a child abductor. I did everything I could to protect her from such a horrible event. I didn't let her out of my sight. If she got out of my sight for more than a minute I was in such a panic stricken state that I couldn't breath. When she was 16 she ran away when I put my foot down about the 20 year old she was dating. I did not sleep and only paced the floor the entire time she was gone. Later I allowed another boyfriend to move in with us so I didn't have to go through the torture again.
She has learned (and very well I might add) to use my fears against me. She is now 27. She is now married to the young man I allowed to move in with us. They have 2 great kids. My granddaughter is 9 and my grandson is 6. They lived with me until my granddaughter was 3. When I put my foot down about supporting them all financially and otherwise they cut me off from my grandchildren for 1 1/2 years. My granddaughter and I were very close. She told me later "Meemaw, where were you? I cried for you." My daughter simply didn't care how this effected her daughter. She was just set out to punish me. My punishment is knowing my granddaughter loves and wants to see her meemaw.
We started talking after 1 1/2 years. My daughter promised it wouldn't happen again. We fell into old patterns and I babysat whenever and loaned money without being payed back. I became angry when I was cut out of important events in the kids lifes so the other grandma could be there. The other grandma doesn't like me so I was uninvited. This grandma does not love the kids she is very superficial and only wants to be around them for show. My granddaughter has expressed to me that she does not like her. Needless to say I put my foot down because I couldn't take it anymore. I have been cut out again since July 2008. Like the last time she has changed her number and even though I have not attempted to go to her home, I know she will call police or simply not answer if I do. Her husband is always thrilled when our relationship is strained because he is jealous of how close we are when we are on speaking terms. His mom is very cold and superficial. That is why he lived with me at 16.
I hate my daughter now. It is a weird feeling but very real. If it werent for my grandkids I really wouldn't care.
My question is. How do I mend this relationship so that I can see my grandkids again? I know my granddaughter is being lied to. She e-mails me sometimes and tells me she misses me. I know her e-mails are monitored so she can't say everything she wants to. It is like she is being held hostage by 2 very stupid monsters that hate me more than they love her. PLEASE HELP.
What I am realizing now is that my daughter and I have had a reversed relationship. My biggest fear was losing her to a child abductor. I did everything I could to protect her from such a horrible event. I didn't let her out of my sight. If she got out of my sight for more than a minute I was in such a panic stricken state that I couldn't breath. When she was 16 she ran away when I put my foot down about the 20 year old she was dating. I did not sleep and only paced the floor the entire time she was gone. Later I allowed another boyfriend to move in with us so I didn't have to go through the torture again.
She has learned (and very well I might add) to use my fears against me. She is now 27. She is now married to the young man I allowed to move in with us. They have 2 great kids. My granddaughter is 9 and my grandson is 6. They lived with me until my granddaughter was 3. When I put my foot down about supporting them all financially and otherwise they cut me off from my grandchildren for 1 1/2 years. My granddaughter and I were very close. She told me later "Meemaw, where were you? I cried for you." My daughter simply didn't care how this effected her daughter. She was just set out to punish me. My punishment is knowing my granddaughter loves and wants to see her meemaw.
We started talking after 1 1/2 years. My daughter promised it wouldn't happen again. We fell into old patterns and I babysat whenever and loaned money without being payed back. I became angry when I was cut out of important events in the kids lifes so the other grandma could be there. The other grandma doesn't like me so I was uninvited. This grandma does not love the kids she is very superficial and only wants to be around them for show. My granddaughter has expressed to me that she does not like her. Needless to say I put my foot down because I couldn't take it anymore. I have been cut out again since July 2008. Like the last time she has changed her number and even though I have not attempted to go to her home, I know she will call police or simply not answer if I do. Her husband is always thrilled when our relationship is strained because he is jealous of how close we are when we are on speaking terms. His mom is very cold and superficial. That is why he lived with me at 16.
I hate my daughter now. It is a weird feeling but very real. If it werent for my grandkids I really wouldn't care.
My question is. How do I mend this relationship so that I can see my grandkids again? I know my granddaughter is being lied to. She e-mails me sometimes and tells me she misses me. I know her e-mails are monitored so she can't say everything she wants to. It is like she is being held hostage by 2 very stupid monsters that hate me more than they love her. PLEASE HELP.