SIL trouble

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SIL trouble

Postby artsygirl » Tue Jan 06, 2009 8:00 am

Dear Gabby,

Serious trouble on the in-law front. My husband and I have been married for 5 years, we have two children. My husband is one of 6 children. I am an only child. Things started getting weird right after we got married. It seemed like his family loved me and I loved them before. One of the reasons why I married him was b/c they were such a big family (the brothers and sisters I never had), unfortunately I didn't realize how they really were. A few months ago my sister in law and I had words. She called me a psycho brainwasher to my husband over the phone. I haven't spoke to her since. That wasn't the only time she was crude. There had been many times in the past that she would just outwardly criticize my husband in front of the whole fam. I always kept my mouth shut intending on not stirring the pot. I would always leave the situation furious. She truely is not a happy person herself. Infact, lets just say she has some issues. She has children of her own and a husband. Just miserable person. Since the fight we had things have been extremely akward w/ the rest of the family except for another sister in law that feels the same as me. I know they all talk about my husband and I my mother in law is a huge gossip. She's half the problem. She tells the sister in law that I don't get along with very personal things about us that she shouldn't. The sister in law then tells everyone else. I feel like my husband got walked all over all his life with his family. He was always a doormat. He doesn't stick up for himself or for me. That is why I finally snapped. The SIL is always in a fight with another woman in the family, wether it is with her own sister or her other sisters in was just my turn. The thing that bothers me is that she always gets away with it. Her inappropriate talk about other people and just her downright snobbery. She's one of those people who are never satisfied. She has everything and yet she's extremely jealous and a VERY competitive person. Yet everyone stands by her. I am now the bad guy. She will never lose. I have tried to stick to my guns and stay head strong but thats not even working. Example, my mother in law called and begged me to invite her to my husbands surprise birthday party and against my better judgement, I tried to be the bigger person and I did. She replied very snidely and that was that. Recently she called my husband to invite him and the rest of the family to watch a football game at her house. She avoided calling the house. Now, she's playing the "bigger person" now. Yet when I tried to be the bigger person it went completely unnoticed. Nobody cared that she didn't come to the party. All of this amongst so many other infuriating things go on. I would be here all day if I told you everything. I'm just fed up. I am in tears, my husband and I have fights over it, and he has already lied to me about talking to her. HELP! I don't know where to go from here.

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Re: SIL trouble

Postby Gabby » Thu Jan 08, 2009 12:07 am

Hi artsygirl,

I got it all. Let me reword your letter and see if you can see "where to go from here."

Dear Gabby, I made a mistake marrying someone who supports his family in abusing me. My leadership communication skills are such that I create friction. I’m stuck not accepting my husband or his family members the way they are. I find myself addicted to making them wrong and wanting to change them. I see now that I am both addicted to abusing and to being abused else I would not hang around any of them for another 24 hours. Should I stay in this marriage and keep producing more of the same results? :)

Even if you divorce him tomorrow you'll keep producing more of the same until you immerse yourself in therapy/counseling (by yourself). It's your leadership communication skills (coupled with your karma) that's producing this drama—it has nothing to do with them. You brought them all into your life to mirror you.

Please don't reply until you can tell me you haven't been in communication with any of them for six months in a row. Read about The Spouse Abuse Tutorial.

Best wishes,


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