Great letter. Great question. Millions of teens have a similar predicament—in other words, you’re normal and right on track.
The short answer: To experience having someone/something you must be willing at all times to not have it. The unhappiness comes from trying to get or trying to hold on to.
There’s a premise that says, formulate an intention, say to have a conversation/date with him, then let it go. Go about life and living, staying on purpose with your studies and journalism activities, and, and here’s the biggie, live from integrity. Keep your relationships clean (open and honest communications, zero deceits and badmouthings, and keep your word with everyone. In other words, create space for magic to happen. Put another way, you can’t create something in a space that’s occupied by something. Empty your closet and with a month it will be chock full of clothes that more nearly define the you of today. The same goes for cleaning up relationships. Unacknowledged perpetrations
occupy space, like old clothes they get in the way of manifesting the results you say you want.
One of the best kept secrets: You can’t have life and relationships be the way you envision without practicing these difficult, uncomfortable conversations with your parents. I’m betting, with 100% certainty, that if you ask this same question to your mother and then your father, there will be a breakthrough in your relationship with Sam. In other words, the leadership skills you’ll get from talking with your parents about this are the exact same skills it will take for you to have a comfortable conversation with Sam. And, the big payoff is that you will have disappeared your fear of all boys and men for life.
The mistake most teens make is they try and make life work with their first boss and first love without having mastered communicating with their parents
. Parents can be tough, self-righteous, condescending, and outright abusive, and it’s your curriculum, your job, to teach them how to communicate with you. It ain’t easy being green (and bright and intelligent).
Re: "I hate guys. I dont trust them or like most of them even." Not to worry, most guys don't even like themselves, fewer still even know themselves, and all but a few know with certainty that they can't be trusted. It's difficult for a father to communicate this stuff because it can come across as protectionism. BTW: Never forget, your job is to bring someone into the clan that you know your parents will love and that he will love them, this means, he must have a loving supportive relationship with his parents and wouldn't think of talking you into having sex unless he had his and your parent's permissions, and vise versa. Most divorcées will tell you they ignored this major implied agreement, marry someone who supports deception and that's what you'll get.
Re: “What do i do now?” You’re doing it. You’re reaching out and getting advice, asking for support; it suggests that you have a healthy well-balanced ego.
There are two schools of thought: To pursue covertly and coyly or to pursue courageously. Both ways work. The vast majority of girls “get” their husband by setting it up to be asked out
. No matter what others tell you very few girls take the first step. Actually the courageous way is not about courage; it’s about being committed to being complete. Presently you can’t totally (yeah, I know, it’s redundant) be with your studies or even with other people because part of your consciousness is sapped (occupied with thoughts about Sam). A conscious person gets the answer so as to be complete and get on with the next intention, the next creation. “Hey Sam. Any chance you might like to have lunch?” Within a nano-second you’d know what’s so. An energetic appreciative yes, or something less. Lots of girls didn’t pick up on all that takes place in that that very first communication, they didn’t pick up on his out-integrity, his covert condescension, his abusive humor, and ended up marrying the guy. Later, with coaching, they can tell you exactly when they knew they made the wrong decision, the communication of his that they let slide so as to get or hold on to him, that in fact revealed how he communicated with his parents.
The fact that you’re asking Gabby instead of your parents suggests that you have fear in your relationship with them. All the more motivation to tuck your fear under your arm and confront them with your question. Do post back and let me know what you do and the results.
Thank you for your question. I’m thinking others will get value from reading it.