Sister-in-law monopolizes mother
Posted: Sun Jan 13, 2008 3:53 pm
Dear Gabby,
My mother and I have been very close. However, while we still talk on the phone every day, seeing her, especially without my niece and/or nephew in her care has become a rarity. In addition, she seldom watches my daughter because on the rare occasions that I call her, she has already promised my sister-in-law to babysit. She feels bad and offers to watch my daughter too, but I always decline. I tell her that it's too much for her to watch all three, and it is since their ages are 3, 2, and 1. Moreover my nephew can be very hard to handle.
Several months back, my sister-in-law had the audacity to tell me that I needed to slow down with my activities. She said it jokingly, but she was upset because 2 months prior to our conversation my mom watched my daughter when my husband and I went out for our wedding anniversary and her problem at hand (while we were on the phone) was that my mom had an event to go to with us and said that she could only bring one of her children to the event. So even when we invite my mom out, we are subjected to helping her babysit and forget any one-on-one time between my mom and daughter. By the way, those were the only 2 times that I did anything involving my mom in those several months (other than large family get-togethers).
She uses my mom by telling her all the time about how she needs a break from the kids; she makes my mom feel sorry for her. Moreover, in addition to all of the weekend nights she asks my mom to watch her kids, my mom picks up her son every Sunday morning for church and usually watches him until 2 or 3 that day.
What upsets me the most is that my daughter and I will not be as close to my mom as we could be under better circumstances. I have gotten very angry many times during all of this but mostly I am hurt.
I am not suggesting that she does not watch my niece and nephew, but that my sister-in-law accepts her parental responsibilities. It's hard because I don't think that it is my place to tell her that, and my mom feels too sorry for her to realize how bad the situation is.
My mom knows that I get frustrated with the situation. She told me that we will need to plan in advance when she watches my daughter. But to me it's all in vain because if my sister-in-law calls her with an "urgent" need, she will not say no. And my sister-in-law does not care that my mom has to watch 3 kids.
Should I get a new babysitter and just realize that my mom and I now have a different relationship? I don't know what else to do.
Thank you in advance for your help.
The inevitable stepchild?
My mother and I have been very close. However, while we still talk on the phone every day, seeing her, especially without my niece and/or nephew in her care has become a rarity. In addition, she seldom watches my daughter because on the rare occasions that I call her, she has already promised my sister-in-law to babysit. She feels bad and offers to watch my daughter too, but I always decline. I tell her that it's too much for her to watch all three, and it is since their ages are 3, 2, and 1. Moreover my nephew can be very hard to handle.
Several months back, my sister-in-law had the audacity to tell me that I needed to slow down with my activities. She said it jokingly, but she was upset because 2 months prior to our conversation my mom watched my daughter when my husband and I went out for our wedding anniversary and her problem at hand (while we were on the phone) was that my mom had an event to go to with us and said that she could only bring one of her children to the event. So even when we invite my mom out, we are subjected to helping her babysit and forget any one-on-one time between my mom and daughter. By the way, those were the only 2 times that I did anything involving my mom in those several months (other than large family get-togethers).
She uses my mom by telling her all the time about how she needs a break from the kids; she makes my mom feel sorry for her. Moreover, in addition to all of the weekend nights she asks my mom to watch her kids, my mom picks up her son every Sunday morning for church and usually watches him until 2 or 3 that day.
What upsets me the most is that my daughter and I will not be as close to my mom as we could be under better circumstances. I have gotten very angry many times during all of this but mostly I am hurt.
I am not suggesting that she does not watch my niece and nephew, but that my sister-in-law accepts her parental responsibilities. It's hard because I don't think that it is my place to tell her that, and my mom feels too sorry for her to realize how bad the situation is.
My mom knows that I get frustrated with the situation. She told me that we will need to plan in advance when she watches my daughter. But to me it's all in vain because if my sister-in-law calls her with an "urgent" need, she will not say no. And my sister-in-law does not care that my mom has to watch 3 kids.
Should I get a new babysitter and just realize that my mom and I now have a different relationship? I don't know what else to do.
Thank you in advance for your help.
The inevitable stepchild?