#30 Are these responses serious?

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#30 Are these responses serious?

Post by Gabby » Fri Apr 08, 2005 3:10 pm

DEAR GABBY: Is this serious? It's not funny enough to be a joke. It does seem ridiculous, though. You take the enabler thing a bit far. In these letters you implicate a man in causing his wife's affair, for no good reason as far as I can tell. Just my feedback, but it seems as if things are mighty backwards these days. D. Franklin

Gabby's Response:

Hi D. Franklin: Thanks for the feedback. It's clear that a specific sentence you read upset you. It suggests an incomplete communication in your life. Perhaps one you started when you were ten, in the kitchen, talking to.... (it's something that specific) and, something about it is still not resolved. It is something for which you resist being responsible.

Your use of the word "ridiculous" is what's referred to as invalidating. It is in fact abusive to ridicule another.

Re: "... as far as I can tell." Yes, I get that.

The fact that you have a different point of view about responsibility suggests it might be valuable to try on another definition for a few minutes. What would it say about you if you caused everything that ever "happened" to you? That it was your intention for all those who've done you dirt to do you dirt? That it's all been part of your brilliant, albeit mostly unconscious, master plan? That you've caused not only what's happened to you but what others have been doing to others? I believe the enlightened answer is that it would mean everything and nothing, and/or everything or nothing. Responsibility is a what's so kind of thing. It only means something to someone who's resisting it. So what that I'm responsible for everything. It doesn't mean anything. Good. Now drop all of that and recreate your old point of view.

Thanks very much for writing. If you'd like to read more about responsibility check out our Spouse Abuse Tutorial. Note: The tutorial is free however it requires that you make an agreement to complete the tutorial. There's lots to be gotten from reading "About the Tutorial," specifically, the definition of the word abuse—it does not require an agreement. Gabby

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