#25 Should I tell daughter who real father is?

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#25 Should I tell daughter who real father is?

Post by Gabby » Fri Apr 08, 2005 9:26 am

#25 Should I tell daughter who real father is? / Should I teach daughter to deceive, or what?

Dear Ann Landers: Over 30 years ago, when I was divorced, I became pregnant by a married man. I will call him "Ben." My ex-husband and I then remarried. He always believed this child was his, and he raised her.

I remained in contact with Ben throughout he years. His wife never knew about us, but when they divorced a few years ago, I also filed for divorce. Ben and I started seeing each other openly, and we were married within the year.

I would like my adult daughter to know who her real father is. Should I take the chance? Will she lose respect for me, even though my former husband isn't really in the picture any more?

I don't want our reputations ruined, nor do I want Ben's children to know their father cheated on their mother. I would, however, like them to know they have a half sibling. What is your advice? NO REST IN NASHVILLE

Dear Nashville: If you think you have "no rest" now, just go ahead and tell the family that the man they believe to be your daughter's father is not her father at all. Too many people would be hurt by your confession. I don't recommend it. ANN LANDERS

Gabby’s Response:

Hi Nashville: Assuming of course you want your daughter to relate with you and Ben and others openly and honestly it's time to restore your integrity, that or anguish over your deception for a few more years, perhaps till it affects your health, or, till death. I assure you others around you have been withholding their thoughts of choice from you. Cleaning things up will give everyone an opportunity to clean up their relationships and life.
 
Do you honestly think others experience respect for you? You don't even respect you. Whatever feelings they have about you are not accurate because you and they have been living lies. The reputations you are protecting are founded upon deceit, how could they be ruined?

It's hard to be who you are and live appropriately if others are withholding pertinent facts about you. In other words, thanks to you and Ben your daughter is wrestling with more confusions than is necessary in figuring out who she is in life; at some level she already knows. It's condescending of you to think she's not big enough to handle the truth.

Notice the effects of having such incompletes rattling around in your mind over the years. It's possible that your perpetrations (I believe there are even more from before your first marriage), and your whole philosophy about truth, have gotten in the way of you making decisions that work.
Also, people who have handled these things, quickly and timely, much earlier in life, are able to see the lies on all of your faces. Such faces are incomplete, they communicate sneakiness and deceptiveness. Such faces lack wholesomeness and clarity and do not communicate the experience of love because there is a barrier to the experience of integrity. Your positions have kept people who are committed to integrity from even coming close to you.

Are you ready to restore your integrity?

I'm excited for you. The potential is awesome. —Gabby

PS. I'm not comfortable with "became pregnant." It comes across as covert blame. Better to have written, "I got myself pregnant." You're much too intelligent for it to have been an accident. I'm certain that once you separate the chaff from the wheat, the lies from what your mind wants to believe, you'll get what you were up to, unconsciously intending for him to impregnate you. We know this to be the truth based upon the results.

PPS. Simply knowing/validating her roots will anchor her firmly and give her entirely new perspectives. When acknowledging and honoring ancestors it's important to focus on their accomplishments and all they did for us to be here.

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