Dear Gabby

#52 Need help finding estranged brother / Maybe I'm not ready to find my brother

Dear Annie: My sister and I have not seen our brother for over 10 years. Our mother passed away several months ago, and we think he should be informed of the details. Mom was abusive when we were young, so there was...

#51 Teen worried about accent at Outward Bound / Accent a consideration, not source of problem

Dear Abby: I am a 15-year-old high-school freshman. English is my second language. I was in ESL during junior high school. I not only learned enough English to go into mainstream, but I also have...

#50 Dating sister’s ex-husband causing upsets in family / Did I unconsciously intend sister’s divorce?

Dear Annie: Many years ago, my younger sister, “Liz,” had an affair with a married man who later left his wife and married my sister.

They were together for 20 years, and though they saw a lot...

#48 What to do about husband's manners? / Wife masterminding divorce needs therapy

Dear Annie: I have a very sincere and vibrant husband, but his manners are awful and he often comes across as an inconsiderate jerk.

He’s been known to start eating at the table before others are served. He jokes...

#47 How do I relate with ex-son-in-law? / Mother unconsciously enabling friction

Dear Annie: What is the proper relationship with an ex-son-in-law? Our daughter, “Jenny,” and her ex-husband have joint custody of our grandchildren. Jenny was the one who wanted the divorce. Her ex is a good father,...

#46 How do I mend fence with my mother? / Stay away from mom until she gets therapy

Dear Annie: I am a 62-year-old woman. When I was 3 years old, my mother left me to be raised by my father’s family. I didn’t hear from her again until she sent a card for my 34th birthday. After that, we began...

#45 Anonymous letter my husband is having an affair / Am I unconsciously intending this drama?

Dear Prudence: I received a letter informing me that my husband was having an affair. The letter was unsigned and offered no proof. The letter did not mention a specific woman by name but described...

#44 Drama queen is wearing out welcome—and friend's ears / Friend setting up friend to fail

Dear Tanya: In the last year, my friend has changed boyfriends like socks. That’s one issue, but the thing that aggravates me is I must deal with my friend’s dramatic productions. She falls for Mr....

#43 Student burns candle at both ends risks a burnout / Son mirroring father’s leadership communication

DEAR ABBY: My son is a college student with an extremely demanding major. I have become concerned.

Last year he began taking an overload of classes, a large number of extracurricular...

#42 Husband’s salon tan is a sign of cheating / Signs you are causing your partner to cheat.

Dear Abby: A while back you listed clues to look for if you suspected your husband of being unfaithful. I’d like to add to that list: a bronze body from a tanning salon.

My husband “Jerry,” and I are the...

#41 Son needs help to kick depression / Father needs father-coaching

Dear Annie: Our 24-year-old son, “Rod,” has been jobless for nearly a year and now lives at home. His mother and I have tried everything to get him off the couch and find a job, to no avail.

At a recent free depression...

#39 Defusing explosive sisters / Am I unconsciously intending the abuse I experience with my sisters?

Dear Carolyn: The stronger and happier I feel inside, the greater amount of resentment I get from two of my older sisters. Both express it in statements meant to hurt, like, “You always were...

#37 Invite friend whose partner abuses you to your wedding / Time for a sit-down

Dear Prudence: Much to my delight, I am marrying a wonderful man next year. I have a very dear male friend whom we want to be in the ceremony. The problem is that he is dating a woman who refuses to speak to me...

#36 Unfaithful past best kept out of present / Should I wake up my fellow Christian parishners?

DEAR ABBY: Please answer this quickly. There is no one else I can talk to. I am a devout Christian woman, prominent in my church and have an impeccable reputation.

My late husband’s family treats me...

#33 Sleepover modesty question / Not in communication with friends

Dear Annie: I am a 12-year-old girl. My friends and I have lots of sleepovers. Here’s the problem. When it comes time to go to bed, they change their clothes right in front of me. This makes me really uncomfortable.

I never say...

#32 Counseling a waste of money / Communication Skills Coaching—there is an unconnable alternative

Dear Annie: Because I believe your column is of value to so many people, I feel I must comment about the commonly given advice to seek counseling.

As a middle-aged woman I’ve sought counseling at...

#29 Granddaughter's a behavior problem / Grandma not in communication with her child or grandchild

Dear Annie: I am recently retired, and my husband is on disability. I expected our retirement to include pleasurable activities like gardening and fixing up the house. Instead I am constantly...

#27 How do I support boyfriend with his grammar? / Unconscious request for help with problem of fear

Dear Annie: I have been dating a man in the radio industry for the last couple of months. Unfortunately, he often uses poor grammar. I am wondering if I should correct him. I believe he might...

#26 His fiancée's chronic tardiness concerns him / She is mirroring his ignorance and out-integrity

Dear Annie: I am marrying Monica next month. All signs are go except for one small concern of mine.

Monica misses or arrives late to work between five and 10 days every month. She usually explains...

#25 Wedding 'hostess' worked too hard, bails / Hostess sets up bride to complete a previous upset

DEAR ABBY: I was recently asked to be a hostess in a wedding. When I asked the bride what exactly my duties would be, she said I would pass out programs and make sure that all the wedding guests...

#24 Co-worker conducting second job on company time / Employees mirroring CEO's out-integrity

Dear Abby: One of my co-workers, Roger, conducts business for his second job—real estate—every day on company time. Everyone in the office can hear him selling on the phone.

My office mates and I find...

#23 Terrible kisser about to be dumped / Two doing their imitation of communication

Dear Prudence: I’ve known a guy for three months now. He lives in Seattle, and I’m from New England. Over my spring break he came to visit me. We had a wonderful time together. We kissed a couple of times....

#22 She's stuck with an unwelcome wedding guest / Abuse addict marrying into an equally abusive family

Dear Prudence: I’m having a very small wedding, and I’m not inviting any guests . My fiancé’s brother has been seeing Sandy for over a year. He has told us they are taking it one day at a time...

#30 Boyfriend abusing our new baby daughter / Mother caught in lies, blaming, and addiction to abuse

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, Mickey, and I had a baby two months ago. Mickey made it clear from the beginning that he didn’t feel ready to be a father. While I was pregnant, he seemed to be excited...

#21 Supervisor’s tirade gets out of control / How do I stop enabling abuse?

Dear Annie: I was recently at an office meeting that was called for and chaired by Marie, one of my co-workers. Her boss, James, sat in, which is not unusual. He does this occasionally.

During the meeting, Marie brought...

#19 18-year-old girl asks, what am I doing wrong? / How can I inspire spontaneity and truthfulness in men?

DEAR ABBY: I’m an attractive 18-year-old single female from a good family. I enjoy wonderful friendships and am about to begin my first year of college. I am wondering if you could figure...

#16 How do people know if their therapist is helping them? / Is it me or my therapist?

DEAR ABBY: How do people know if their therapist is really helping them or taking their money? Mine does not talk much or give any advice. What kind of progress should I expect in recovering from depression and...

#15 Daughter-in-law is abusive to my son / Did I train my son to abuse and be abused?

DEAR ABBY: My problem is my daughter-in-law, Marla, and the verbal abuse she heaps on my son, Jack. She belittles him in front of me and the children on a daily basis. All my life I listened to my own mother do...

#14 How do I handle naysayers? / Is what they say true?

DEAR ABBY: I am 16 and very sad. I started my own advice column at school and receive tons of letters asking for help. The reason I did it is because I plan on becoming a psychologist when I’m an adult.

Every time I mention my column or my...

#13 Should we keep sending grandchild money? / Should I keep setting up grandchild to fail in life?

Dear Annie: Our granddaughter’s 21st birthday is coming up this month. My husband thinks we should not send Julie the usual birthday check. Since she graduated high school, she has not held a...

#12 Friend is stealing my dates / What's at the root of me sabotaging myself?

 Dear Annie: I am a single woman living in an apartment building in a small community. The problem is my neighbor, Linda. She stops by every so often but when I have a man over, you can be sure she will be on my...

#9 Should I take grandson from my daughter? / Should I train my grandson to be like my daughter?

Dear Prudence: My daughter is engaged to a 27-year-old abusive idiot. He chokes her, calls her unbelievable names and does anything else he can come up with. I have been trying to get her out of this...

#8 Expression of love drove her away / She was already away

Dear Annie: I have been dating a very sweet girl for three weeks. I knew I was falling in love with her and made the mistake of letting her know. Ever since, she has lost interest in me.

Linda insists there is no way I could fall in...

Dear Carolyn: I have recently become involved with a man, a potential boyfriend. It’s the first time I’ve been excited about someone since I broke off a relationship with an abusive ex-boyfriend. I was honestly beginning to wonder if I would ever want to be involved with a man again. I know I need...

#6 In Mom's eye, girl can't do anything right / Yelling is abusive

 DEAR ABBY: I’m a 14-year old girl. My problem is my mother and the nonstop fights we’ve been having lately. I’m trying hard to do all the right things—keep my grades up, maintain my friendships—and maybe find nice boyfriends....

#5  Teen who had molested a child now being abused / Teen mirroring adults

 DEAR ABBY: My brother-in-law remarried a year ago. His new wife has a teenage son, Josh, from a previous relationship, and my brother-in-law is in the process of adopting him.

Recently my husband and I invited the three...

#4 Grandparents won't let me meet my dad / 14-year-old needs counseling

DEAR ABBY: I am a 14-year-old girl. When I was only 18 months old, I lost my mom. She was killed in a motorcycle accident. My father isn’t around, so I live with my grandparents. They don’t want me to see my dad, but I...

#2 She should stay clear of abusive ex / I'm already abusing new friend

Dear Annie: I was involved in an emotionally abusive relationship for three years. During that time, I became depressed, gained weight and was suicidal. Before deciding to slash my wrists, I sought professional help. Within...

#1 Should I go to Grandma's funeral? / Should I keep rewarding/empowering abusive family?

Dear Annie: My grandmother is in poor health and is not expected to live much longer. Grandma never liked my mother, and consequently, is not close to me. When my parents married, Grandma selected the...

#106 Abuse survivor afraid to be honest / Time to begin therapy.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 33-year-old man who has never been in a serious relationship until now. I have been seeing “Stephie” for eight months and think I may be in love with her.

I have successfully managed to evade Stephie's questions...

#104 She wants to be nice without giving number / honest or polite?

Dear Prudence: What is the best way to turn someone down when asked for your phone number? In some instances, claiming to be involved is not an option, such as when asked out by someone who's aware that you're available. What's...

#69 I'm afraid to say I love you to my boyfriend / Should I start from love or from testing?

Dear Prudence: I am fairly new to the dating scene after a lousy 12-year marriage. Once bitten is a major factor for me, so when I date a man and think things are getting too serious, I'm outta there!

I...

#40 Can’t get husband to appreciate me / My communication-leadership skills don’t inspire appreciation

Dear Annie: I have been married to “Steven” for 23 years. We both work full time now, although we have a traditional marriage and for many years I was a stay-at-home mother. Our 21-year-old...

#59 Daughter unsure how to handle estranged mother / Daughter programmed to train son to be abusive

Dear Annie: I’m married to “Bob,” a wonderful man, and we have an incredible 3-year-old son. The only problems we ever have are about family.

My mother and I have never been close. The community...

#18 What is it about women who steal husbands? / Cheating reveals an unacknowledged intention of the victim.

Dear Pru: What is it with women and married men? If he’s married, he’s not available. Now if a married man says, We are divorcing, but the final documents haven’t been signed, that’s...

#93 Married woman still thinking about old boyfriend / Am I training my children to deceive?

Dear Annie: I am a 35-year-old woman, married 10 years to an attractive dentist, and we have three children. I am physically healthy and have retained my youthful figure and appearance. My life should be...

#103 Man fine being distant from mother / Curriculum for getting back in?

DEAR ABBY: My wife thinks I have a problem because I do not have a close relationship with my mother. We go for weeks without talking or seeing each other, and it doesn't bother me. Since I was about 13, my parents were...

#31 Daughter refuses to hold off on marriage to abusive fiancé / Daughter's desperate communication to her mother

Dear Anne: Six weeks ago, I discovered my daughter’s fiancé has been abusing her. He was also the one who insisted Anna take a job as an exotic dancer. I realize this is the pattern...

#8 Expression of love drove her away / She was already away

Dear Annie: I have been dating a very sweet girl for three weeks. I knew I was falling in love with her and made the mistake of letting her know. Ever since, she has lost interest in me.

Linda insists there is no way I could fall in...

#11 Teen feels pressure to lose virginity / Should I keep conning my boyfriend into asking for sex?

Dear Annie: I am a 16-year-old girl in high school, and I’m having troubles with boys. There’s a lot of pressure to have sex, and it’s often overwhelming.

I’ve been seeing Jason for six months....

#50 Dating sister’s ex-husband causing upsets in family / Did I unconsciously intend sister’s divorce?

Dear Annie: Many years ago, my younger sister, “Liz,” had an affair with a married man who later left his wife and married my sister.

They were together for 20 years, and though they saw a...