Preventing an "accidental" teen pregnancy This tip is primarily for parents of a teenager.
If, as the parent of a teen, you believe that there is such a thing as an accidental pregnancy then you are ripe for your teen surprising you one day with "accidental" pregnancy.
In other words, given your present belief system, he/she already knows that you'll accept "accidental" because you haven't delivered the following ultimatum:
Parent to teen: No babies until you are living on your own and can afford all the costs. A pregnancy would be your way of saying you don't value our support and that you'll be moving out immediately. We refuse to pay for your pregnancy because we know it will be premeditated, not an accident. I mean what I'm saying. There will be no second chances about this matter. Do you understand? Be certain to tell each date, before you con them into wanting sex, about this consequence. Most importantly, ask each date if he/she is willing to pay child support through to age 18. Typically a teen's "accidental" pregnancy explanation will contain a lie, such as, "I don't know how it happened" (a victim-blame statement) as opposed to, "I conned him into wanting sex and impregnating me." Or, "I arrogantly ignored everyone's advice and impregnated her knowing full well it would upset her parents and that it would delay/postpone or cause her to never have a profession." Few teens will acknowledge to his/her parents, "I knew with absolute certainty that you didn't want an accidental pregnancy problem. I knew it would not feel good to you and that it would be abusive of me to dump such a problem in your space, but, obviously I don't respect you enough to honor your wishes." Let's put it another way. Any teen who creates an accidental pregnancy is communicating to everyone (non-verbally) that he/she is not in-communication with his/her parents (there are no exceptions to this phenomenon). The implication being, "I wasn't experiencing love and affection at home so I found someone to 'love' me." [Yes, teens mistake physical intimacy for love]. If a teen isn't observing affection between his/her parents, if he/she isn't continually receiving hugs from both parents, the teen automatically assumes that he/she is the cause of the friction between the parents, and that they (the teen) doesn't inspire love and harmony and, that they are not lovable [no matter how many words a parent uses to assure them that they are not the problem, that the teen is not responsible]. And so teens search outside the family for the illusion of love/communication. I say "illusion" because what teens "in love" experience is not communication; the foundation of their relationship is based upon deception, both hiding from their parents the fact that they are having sex. "In communication" meaning: Teens need to know that they have a positive effect on their parents. If a teen tries to inspire his/her parents to opt for healthy choices or tries to bring the family together (perhaps the way it used to be) and fail they experience invalidation; the thought being, "If I can't affect happiness between my own parents then there must be something wrong with me." And so they begin living from the point of view that something is wrong with them and that they don't deserve happiness. :
Such talks always include: 1) Who pays for what? With the parent
and teen sitting down together, itemizing in writing, all the
estimated monthly expenses, including the $1000.00+ hospital
birth costs. 2) Getting permission from his/her date's
parents to have sex? 3) A discussion about the fact that sperm
can swim through underwear. 5) And, the all-important fact that there
are no accidents when it comes to pregnancies. To post comments, feedback or
questions use
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