Thinking of Adopting? . . . an orphan's tips about adopting

 

 

What can an orphan see that most others can't?

 

The following conversation topics are for couples considering adoption.

 

  • An orphan becomes supersensitive to non-verbal and psychic communications between any adult couples or new foster parents. In other words, an orphan has experienced the vibrations that his/her birth parents generated during discussions (when thinking or verbalizing such thoughts) about whether to give their child up for adoption. The parent's grief, anxiety, abusive loud arguments, are all stored in an orphan's mind; an orphan knows exactly what the vibrations were during prenatal development, when the adults were having relationship-communication problems, when the adults were in fact each unconsciously masterminding a separation/divorce/adoption. If a birth mother held/holds in her mind that if things get bad I'll put the child up for adoption (if a mother has a premeditated Plan B as an option) then the developing embryo is aware of the possibility and lives life consistent with that possibility. Some mothers never ever have such a thought and so their child lives secure in that regard. Read: What to do when your baby won't stop crying. A person who administers a polygraph machine (a lie detector) first asks a series of obviously true and obviously false questions. This gives the operator a baseline, a standard from which to compare other truths and lies. So too it is with a young child. A child accumulates enough baseline measurements to know when his/her parents are happy and giggling and experiencing love. The space is open; the vibrations feel good, they are soothing. Conversely, when the parents are experiencing upset or anger the space is obviously shut down and heavy, there is no space for communication to take place, just talking (exchanged words). It causes concern and fear. If the anger is dramatized for hours or days it's even more frightening, mostly because the child thinks that he/she is causing the friction between the parents (this, no matter the words used to assure him/her they are not responsible; at some level a child intuitively knows more about responsibility than the parents).Fish don't complain about water and orphans don't complain about being an orphan. Why? Because fish and most orphans don't know anything else so they have nothing with which to compare life.

  • Giving a child up for adoption may be the most responsible compassionate gift a parent can give—saving the child from a life of verbal abuse, from the karma of parents who are out-integrity.

  • A pre-puberty orphan's mind will tell itself everything's fine because it doesn't yet understand the multiple significances of having been given up for adoption. However, thoughts such as [Was it me, was it my fault?] ring repeatedly in the mind. What the mind knows is that it could happen again, abandonment is real, it could be abandoned again. The next time it want's to be ready, and so, like a blind person who develops super auditory and tactile senses as well as extra-sensory perceptions, an orphan develops an ability to sense when something wrong, when something is out-integrity, when a communication-breakdown leading to abandonment might happen again.

  • If a birth mother held/holds in her mind that if things get bad I'll put the child up for adoption (if a mother has a premeditated Plan B as an option) then the developing embryo is aware of the possibility and lives life consistent with that possibility. Some mothers never ever have such a thought and so their child lives secure in that regard. Read: What to do when your baby won't stop crying.

  • A person who administers a polygraph machine (a lie detector) first asks a series of obviously true and obviously false questions. This gives the operator a baseline, a standard from which to compare other truths and lies. So too it is with a young child. A child accumulates enough baseline measurements to know when his/her parents are happy and giggling and experiencing love. The space is open; the vibrations feel good, they are soothing. Conversely, when the parents are experiencing upset or anger the space is obviously shut down and heavy, there is no space for communication to take place, just talking (exchanged words). It causes concern and fear. If the anger is dramatized for hours or days it's even more frightening, mostly because the child thinks that he/she is causing the friction between the parents (this, no matter the words used to assure him/her they are not responsible; at some level a child intuitively knows more about responsibility than the parents).

  • The above is what's so for a child who lives with his/her birth parents. What's so for most orphans is that they are even more sensitive. Because of an orphan's memory, of having been cause for the first abandonment, they are supersensitive to any vibrations that portend another move, another set of guardians. They can tell when there's a breakdown in communication between the guardians; more specifically, they can sense when there is a withhold, deceit, or unacknowledged perpetration in the space between them. It's a scary vibration, it's the absence of harmony. Thoughts withheld between partners serve as barriers to the experience of communication and of love. This heightened sensitivity to integrity can be thought of as an orphan's learned survival skill.

  • Expressions of love to a child, when delivered by a parent who is dramatizing an upset with his/her partner, can't be gotten as an experience, only as words. In other words, if the parents aren't experiencing love between them then love can't be turned on for just a second, "Oh, child, I love  you." and in the next breath continue where they left off in the argument. Thinks the mind, how can you love me and be abusing each other—especially knowing how it affects me?

    ". . . officials estimate 75 percent of youths in the state’s criminal justice system were once in foster care."

    Last edited 6/8/21


If you like a tip please press the I like button (You will be returned to the index page)