Here's my advice: Get them enlarged and go through the drama of discovering that he was only part of your downward spiral, doing whatever it takes to further upset your parents, to the point where you know you need therapy. I say further because it's for certain he's not what your parents had in mind when you were a precious 5-year-old who would do anything to please them.

You might ask why I would advise you to alter your physical appearance for what most would agree is a relationship going nowhere. The answer is; because it's also the advice you'd be automatically driven to take if your parents advised against both the implants and him. It's also because that's what you're going to do. Your question is a setup. Later when you've crashed and burned you'll use your "mistake" as proof of how screwed up you are. You need to be able to say to him with sincere victim eyes, "Look at all I've done for you, why do you treat me this way?" The truth is you simply don't have the ability to walk away from the relationship. Your addiction to abuse, setting him up to lie to you, extends to self-mutilation.

I'd advise you to get therapy but part of your addiction is to take as many down with you as possible, to include making sure a therapist fails with you and ignoring a columnist's advice—your boyfriend doesn't stand a chance of healing with you in his life.

One downside of getting implants is that when your relationship with him is over you'll only be attractive to a small percentage of the available single men, those who have no problem with disproportionately large, bulging, hard, unnatural implants. Some might say that you'll only be attractive to those men for whom their first impression of a woman is as a sex object. You'll never be certain if they like you for who you are or for your breasts.

There are millions and millions of men who are automatically put off by implants. It's not that they don't find them attractive, they find them repulsive.

A woman who isn't satisfied with the way she is, one who can't choose for things to be the way they are, has not addressed the fundamental cause of her dissatisfaction in life. Big boobs do not replace dissatisfaction-counseling, instead they cover up the fundamental problem. Worse yet, the woman must lie to herself for life, that they look better and that she feels better about herself. Underneath it all, in the quiet of her mind, she knows the truth, that she bought into the media's illusion of beauty.

Women who come upon large breasts through surgery do not carry them naturally or comfortably. They are forever trying to act comfortable and sexy with silicone pouches stuffed under their skin. A naturally endowed woman has had millions of eyes looking at her breasts. Through this lifetime of experiences she has developed a natural way of carrying herself. A woman who comes upon large breasts late in life can't begin to amass the natural confidence that comes from carrying them for a lifetime. For life, thereafter, they are equally as self-conscious as they were when smaller-chested, and, they have far more thoughts and conversations about their breasts than do other women. Their breasts become conversation topics (often as objects of uncomplimentary gossip) sticking out like gaudy in-your-face advertisements on a website; most people unconsciously train themselves to ignore them. They become the first thing another sees and unfortunately judges. Some men even look upon such a woman as pathetic.

Most plastic surgeons don't have the integrity to insist upon a size smaller than what the woman says she wants. A perfect size is one that doesn't draw negative judgments or unhealthy envy.

Silicone breasts are the ultimate control communication, they virtually force another to look at the breasts first rather than at the whole woman, her face, her beingness.

Women who spend money on breast implants have a problem similar to those who buy expensive jewelry, and tattoos, both are socially unconscious; they can't allow themselves to look a hungry or homeless person in the eyes except that they experience the inappropriateness of their priorities in life. Some, in the presence of the needy, find themselves hiding their diamond ring out of embarrassment, such is the guilt of ostentation. For believers the conversation at the Pearly Gate goes something like, "H'mm, let's see, you had the choice between making sure everyone was fed or spending money on a diamond, a tattoo, and breast implants. Sorry, go back and try again." Expensive jewelry? Of course, once everyone is fed, has a home, and an education.

The value that comes from processing ones considerations about their body, through therapy/counseling, so that such considerations no longer run them, is by far the better, more relationship-healthy, investment.

A few more thoughts: Quite often men in a relationship with a woman with implants find themselves lying, continually reassuring the woman that she looks sexy. It's one of those lies that are hard to fess up to no matter how hard the woman presses for the truth. The truth is she knows they don't look normal, yet she is absolutely driven to eventually ask, "What do you think?" or "Do you like them?" which is a setup. The question sets him up to lie for which there are undesirable consequences. If a man told the truth it would devastate the woman. I.e. "Here's the truth. I know that when you look in the mirror they look nice to you but from my perspective they simply are not proportionate with your body. They make you look unnatural, that, and they don't feel like real breasts. The bulge is off-putting. It's impossible to hug you without my mind being temporarily distracted by the hard lumps. If I could wave a magic wand I would restore you. I realize now that it's you I love."

Great letter. Many will get value from reading it. Gabby