|#45 Anonymous letter my husband
is having an affair / Am I unconsciously intending this drama?
Dear Prudence: I received
a letter informing me that my husband was having an affair. The letter
was unsigned and offered no proof. The letter did not mention a specific
woman by name but described someone who is involved in our life in a
business matter and whose husband plays with my husband on a sports
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Hi Sec: This is a wake up call; we don’t know for what reason, just that something’s out integrity-wise. People who are clear about their purpose in life, those who are operating from integrity, have no time, space, or need to create such drama. If something like this does come up they handle it within in a few conversations. They do what it takes (w/o fear) to get to the source of the problem.
A spouse who is on purpose
with his/her marriage does not attract “interest.” The love and
commitment is so obvious it’s ludicrous for another to even think those
thoughts around such a spouse. An analogy might be the inappropriateness
of asking the Pope for a date. A person on the prowl can tell within a
seemingly innocent interaction whether someone is open to flirtatious dancing, to possibilities. Quite often an "innocent" fishes with
innuendos and double entendre humor; a
wholesome person has uncanny senses and can sense what's happening and
nip it in the bud. My point being, your husband sent or is sending some signals—the
communications may be
unconscious facial micro-muscle movements (a.k.a. "tells" as in gambling; however, with coaching, a person who has nothing to hide
can be supported in acknowledging having caused/supported the flirtatious communications. The realization of unconscious
flirting can be a transformational experience; it always reveals
withholds. When young,
someone pointed out that I winked at most all
girls. I wasn't aware of doing it. Later, with one relationship, I was continually
accused of cheating but swore I hadn't; after we split I discovered that I had
unconsciously trolling for the next relationship, intuiting that the existing
relationship would fail, therefore being "nice" to all pretty women (i.e. psychic
Power is the rate at which you create, have, and complete a problem; a person committed to being complete, a person of integrity, would simply call immediately or at least invite the couple to have coffee. You'd show them the letter, ask for their help, and communicate your curiosity and concern for everyone in the community. Someone is reaching out for help. Four minds have a better chance of figuring out what’s going on. That a "coffee" date solution hasn’t already been implemented indicates that there’s more in the space than you are willing to acknowledge. Of course you'd have to be willing to acknowledge your withholds and judgments about her to her. I assure you her husband knows, at some level, of her “interest” communications. The experience would validate his suspicions, and, give him an opportunity to acknowledge his intentions and his cause in the matter. Thanks, Gabby
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Check back occasionally for minor edits (last edited 5/22/13)
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