#141 Eligible woman bemoans clueless men / Do I have the aura of a self-righteous, blaming, angry victim?  

 

  DEAR ABBY: Could you explain why, as a species, men are so blind and stupid? There are millions of smart, funny, sweet. attractive — even sexy – eligible women to whom men do not give a second glance, or even acknowledge these wonderful women exist.

Then, these clueless guys moan about how they can't find a good woman, can't find love, have a hard time getting sex, etc., when there are scores of potentially awesome partners right under their noses! Why don't men ever grow up? Even men in their 40s, 50s and 60s suffer from the same stupidity about the dating scene as teenage boys. I repeat: Why? —ELIGIBLE LADY IN ALABAMA

Abby's reply:

DEAR ELIGIBLE: Coupling up can be complicated these days because many variables can come into play. Individuals of both sexes can be addicted to a "type" they fantasize about, chase the illusion of eternal youth by pursuing unsuitable partners and/or be commitment-phobic.

That said, you might have better luck with men if you didn't stereotype them because some of them are encountering the same problems you are. And believe me, they are mystified, too.


Gabby's Reply

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  Gabby's Reply:

Hi Eligible: Your question, "Why?" reveals that you have a misunderstanding about the word responsible and, that you have been dragging around a lifetime of blaming upsets and anger (incompletes). A conscious man can, from across the room, experience your aura of self-righteousness and would not consider you as a possibility. Do The [free] Clearing Process and you'll soon be producing more favorable results.

Given that boys spend most of their childhood hours with women, as mothers and teachers, we could also ask, why do women train boys to . . .? Ouch! Read More Effective Communicators—men or women?

Do you agree that trash-talking ("blind and stupid") has undesirable consequences? How about unconscious lies, do they produce undesirable karma?  —such as, ". . . women to whom men do not give a second glance, . . ." It could be said that that's exactly what most men do; they glance once, and then a second time, and if there's no experience of acknowledgment, no warmth, no connection, they look elsewhere.

You and I grew up with the implied agreement that boys are supposed to risk shame, embarrassment and rejection and walk across the gymnasium dance floor. Can you imagine how many rejections most young men have experienced and the life-time effects of such invalidating abuse? Few mothers have taught their daughters to say, when declining an invitation to dance or date, "No thank you, but thank you for asking." One can only imagine the lifetime effects of such rudeness, such arrogance.

Reunion Conversations will support you in recalling (acknowledging) your incompletes, your unconscious perpetrations (childhood lies, deceits, and abuses).

It appears that many men are looking for a woman who knows what she wants and she has no fear of going after it. Men know that when a woman chooses you, (introduces herself to you) she will make it work. Most men have discovered that conning a woman into going out on a date, choosing a women who did not introduce herself to him, nor would she have, ultimately doesn't work; such relationships most always end up in angry blaming costly divorces. Men are finally learning how to be happy (whole and complete) without needing a primary relationship—which creates space for all relationships to be ideal. You might find Preparing for Your Ideal Partner to be of value.

BTW: The pendulum is swinging, it's time for women to take charge again.

If you wait for a man to ask you out you only get to choose from the small percentage of men who ask.  On the other hand, if you're willing to be the chooser, the initiator, the cause, you can choose from so many more. —Gabby

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Check back occasionally for minor edits (last edited 5/4/21)

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