Gabby's Tip: Must-reads for engaged couples

Must-reads for engaged couples (free — no registration required)

Conversations to have with your intended:¹

The following tips support open, honest, spontaneous and responsible communication between couples—zero deceits or significant thoughts withheld.

Premise: If you are unwilling or afraid to have these conversations with your intended/partner, then, no matter what you believe, you are already unconsciously masterminding a divorce.

All divorces (yes all) began with both (yes both) partners simultaneously withholding a significant thought on the first date—the thought is considered to be a possible deal-breaker . . . for fear of . . .

A withhold² serves as a barrier to the experience of communication, of love.

Between a couple committed to communicating through to mutual satisfaction an upset about burnt toast is just about the toast—not the toast and another incomplete³ triggered during the upset.

Commitment test for couples

An inconsiderate gift to give a prospective partner

High school sex or exquisite intercourse?

Creating a marriage agreement that precludes cheating, etc.

Who gets what in a divorce?

Tips for a successful intimate relationship

Wedding expenses and marital happiness—a correlation?

So you're engaged to an axe murderer

¹ Consider these tips to be gifts to you from the millions and millions of divorced couples who, when they were exchanging vows, never dreamt that they would divorce; individuals, like yourself, who couldn't conceive that they would cause cheating to take place or that they would end up VIOLENTLY verbally abusing their loved one. Most likely those individuals would have refused to read these topics.

² Among the withholds (often on the day of the wedding) —last minute doubts about whether to go ahead with the marriage. "Am I making a mistake?" "What the hell am I doing?" "It doesn't feel like real love." "I like everything about him/her except . . . . " (insert here any thought that has not been shared verbally). And the biggie, "I'm scared or worried." [An honest person will share these considerations verbally so as complete them; a person addicted to deceit, to being incomplete (to withholding thoughts) will try to hide such thoughts.] Try as they may, what most don't know is that one is always communicating their withholds non-verbally—your partner doesn't know what's in the space, just that the joy that's supposed to come from being in-communication (in love) is not there. There is no experience of integrity—something's missing or added, something is in the space. Your withhold with your partner controls them, it dooms them to little or no joy or ecstasy—it's referred to as premeditated abuse.

³ Example of another incomplete: B just burned the toast. A: "Christ, how many times have I told you to check the settings on the toaster! That was the last of the bread." B: "Well if you'd call and ask if we needed anything at the store, we'd have bread. You always leave the shopping up to me." Rather than take responsibility for burning the toast B shifts the blame for the "accident" on A referring to last week's upset about B having to do all the shopping—a repeated complaint—an incomplete, that has not been resolved through to mutual satisfaction. B is unconsciously thwarting A by burning the toast. More accurately, A's integrity has unconsciously set up B to thwart him in support of completing an earlier argument that has yet to be resolved lovingly.

Note: During the divorce process most couples can't create an experience of love because they have accumulated dozens of withholds between them. Thoughts such as; "My high school sweetheart had mastered oral sex." "You're not my #10." "I hate having to vacuum your chest hair off the sheets each morning." A thought withheld serves as a barrier to the experience of communication, of love.

Gabby's Tip: You'll know you have a supportable partner if they will accept your invitation to do The Clearing Process for Couples with you (read Commitment test for couples). If you are unwilling or afraid to invite them then your fear dooms the relationship to mediocrity (you will never ever be able to blame them for the relationship not working). Reading this web page creates what's referred to as a fork in the road for you—a clear choice—open and honest or, some deceits allowed; it could be thought of as premeditated karma.

The leadership-communication skills it takes to have a successful marriage are the exact same skills it takes to have your partner do clearings with you (clearings take a couple from rudimentary high school sex to an experience of exquisite intercourse —of being one with each other). If you are hiding a thought from your partner then your partner is also hiding an equally big one from you; withholders always always attract withholders—there are no exceptions to this entanglement phenomenon.