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Hi Resentful: You ask what you should do. You can begin by expanding your understanding of the words "open and honest" and, add spontaneous to your communication model. Without spontaneity you’ll never master intercourse.

 Your resentment and your use of the word "middle" refers to the fact that you have a routine and expectations. This is as far from true intercourse as is golfing from dancing. However, you're doing fine, your concern is all part of the mastery curriculum.

While it's true that you must set boundaries as to what subject matter/activities you will not tolerate, it's also true that you can accidentally, unconsciously, shut down communication by banning certain subjects, thereby stifling your partner's spontaneity.

 It's my opinion that those stuck in pedophilia had a thought, when they were young, which they stuffed. The thought then became refined and more real which eventually became acted upon. The same goes for cheating; when a spouse stuffs "attraction-for-another" thoughts the thoughts sometimes grow into refined and detailed fantasies which are then manifested. 

What works is to re-create what your partner is creating for you, which also happens to be a fundamental of communication. What you've done is to unconsciously create him creating something for you and then resist and invalidate his creation. Mo betta you create consciously, yes?

In a relationship in which everything before and after a climax is foreplay everything works. In tantric sex pauses are desired and intended. Sometimes what it takes to preclude ejaculation, so as to prolong the experience, is dredging up a thought from seemingly nowhere. Without asking him we can't be certain if perhaps his unusual topic was serving to distract him from his sensations. He might not even be conscious that he does this little trick, partly to give you more pleasure.

For a relationship to work* each must be willing to hear everything that has ever been said by everyone who has ever lived. When one has such freedom of expression nothing builds up. A person who can hear anything another might say and not react is said to be clear/enlightened. A clear person creates space for communication to take place, they are able to simply "get" another's communication and do nothing with it—not from a decision to stuff their thoughts but because they can see both the truth and the lie in everything; most importantly, they know that everything is both real and not real.  They have processed/completed life's incompletes that here-to-fore triggered knee-jerk reactions over which they had no choice but to comment on or argue about.

In a relationship in which there is no spontaneity each must stuff thoughts at certain times. Thoughts withheld become barriers to the experience of communication and love. Soon each is doing his/her imitation of communication and wondering where the giggling joy has gone. Notice that you stuffed your experience of his thought and tried to communicate on top of stun, confusion, upset, and resentment. This is not "open and honest." Had you communicated your experience verbally the confusion, upset, and resentment would have disappeared. Notice that you are still incomplete. That's called dragging an incomplete into the next conversation. If you look closely you'll see that his "attraction" communication merely added to your growing list of accumulated withholds,  that you were in fact reacting to another earlier and similar incident.

BTW: Just as you verbally withheld from him your judgment of his communication, you can be absolutely certain that he is withholding certain thoughts from you.  Withholders always attract withholders, there are no exceptions to this phenomenon. I say "verbally" because you have in fact been dramatizing that upset non verbally. Your withhold has been having an undesirable effect.

You can't get to the truth of what his question was about until you create some space for communication to take place. To create space, which will also support spontaneity, start journaling; or, you can begin by doing five clearings on The Clearing Process, one per day for five days in row (it's free). —With love, Gabby

* There are two kinds of "work":

Work as in growth and expansion and relative happiness, both partners having a handle on their prosperity and health, they have the ability to create the experience of love and joy at will via a few conversations. Their communication model works for them but for the most part keeps their friends and other relatives stuck in mediocrity. This communication model is referred to as the adversarial communication model; it's fundamental principle is survival—always at the expense of others.

The second "work" refers to having your relationship work not only for you and your partner but for all with whom you both relate. This second work is what's referred to as service. A life committed to service produces entirely different results for everyone. Service requires a commitment to communication mastery.