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Hi Resentful: You ask what you should do. Let's begin by expanding your understanding of the words "open and honest" and, add "spontaneous" to your communication model. Without spontaneity you'll remain stuck in talking and never master intercourse.

Your resentment and your use of the word "middle" refers to the fact that you have a routine and expectations. This is as far from true intercourse as is running from crawling. However, you're doing fine, your consideration is natural and part of the mastery curriculum.

While it's true that you must set boundaries as to what subject matter/activities you will not tolerate, (see Creating a marriage vow that precludes cheating) it's also true that you can accidentally, unconsciously, shut down communication by banning certain subjects, thereby stifling your partner's spontaneity. Often shutting down a topic is done non-verbally; that is to say, you can unconsciously train him to not talk about certain subjects (to withhold and deceive). Read: Must-have conversations with your steady/fiancé.

It's my opinion that those stuck in pedophilia had a thought, when they were young, which they stuffed (read Parent-Child Bedtime Clearing Process). The thought then became refined and more real which eventually became acted upon. The same goes for cheating; when a spouse stuffs "attraction-for-another-thoughts" the thoughts sometimes grow into refined and detailed fantasies which are often manifested physically. 

What works is to re-create what your partner is creating for you, which also happens to be a fundamental of interpersonal communication. What you've done is to unconsciously create him creating something for you and then you resist and invalidate his creation. Mo betta you create consciously, yes?

In a relationship in which everything before and after a climax is foreplay everything works. In tantric sex pauses are desired and intended. Sometimes a man, to preclude ejaculation, so as to prolong the experience, dredges up a thought from seemingly nowhere. Without asking him we can't be certain if perhaps his unusual topic was serving to distract him from his sensations. He might not even be conscious that he does this little trick, partly to give you more pleasure.

For a relationship to work* both must be willing to hear everything that has ever been said by everyone who has ever lived. When one has such freedom of expression nothing builds up. A person who can hear (get) anything another might say and not react to it is said to be clear/enlightened. A clear person creates space for communication to take place, they are able to simply "get" another's communication and do nothing with it—not from a decision to stuff their thoughts but because they can see both the truth and the falsity in everything; most importantly, they know that everything is both real and not real.  They have processed/completed life's incompletes that here-to-fore triggered knee-jerk reactions over which they had no choice but to comment on or argue about. A good starter for you is to talk with him about your very first instance of jealousy—with the intent to disappear your reaction and to intend that you both have fulfilling supportive (read prosperous) relationships with both men and women.

In a relationship that lacks spontaneity each must stuff thoughts at certain times. Thoughts withheld become barriers to the experience of communication and love. Soon each is doing his/her imitation of communication and wondering where the giggly joy has gone.

Notice that you stuffed your experience of his thought and tried to communicate on top of stunned, confused, upset, resentment, and jealousy. This is not "open and honest." Had you communicated your experience verbally the confusion, upset, and resentment would have disappeared. Notice that you are still incomplete. That's called dragging an incomplete into the next conversation. If you look closely you'll see that his "attraction" communication merely added to your growing list of accumulated withholds; you were in fact reacting to another earlier and similar stuffed incident, most likely before you met him. This addiction to withholding could be you masterminding a divorce; we'll know in ten years. A valid test is if you find yourself dragging prior arguments (incompletes) into present time. I.e. "You never . . ." "You always . . ."

BTW: Just as you verbally withheld from him your judgment of his communication, you can be absolutely certain that he is withholding certain thoughts from you.  Withholders always attract withholders, there are no exceptions to this entanglement phenomenon. I say "verbally" because you have in fact been dramatizing that upset, and others, non-verbally. Your withhold has been having an undesirable effect. Mulling such thoughts affect one's aliveness, eventually one's health.