Who gets what in a divorce?

Your answer to this question can determine whether your marriage communications will be mostly pleasant or if there will be lots of arguments ending in an acrimonious divorce. That is to say, your answer now predicts the future.

If you have lots to learn about gender bias, sexism, condescension, manipulation, abuse, responsibility, and control then it's most likely you'll end up arguing during a costly divorce settlement process.

Here's a typical scenario: A man and women fall in love just prior to the both of them graduating from college. They have virtually no money, both are estranged from their parents. The man immediately gets a job with a legal firm so they get married. The husband makes lots of money so they have two children. Within ten years they have two houses (with lovely furnishings), two cars, a small yacht, and several investments. The wife stayed home as mother and homemaker. They become unhappy and decide to divorce. The wife wants half of everything. The husband is outraged and hires an expensive attorney sincerely believing that because he did the work he's therefore entitled to more than 50%. The side you take now in this scenario determines your future; it possibly determines whether you'll have a happy, prosperous, healthy marriage or an acrimonious divorce. If you side with the man then you will end up arguing and you'll have proven my point. Amongst enlightened couples it's a given that service empowers; it's every much a skill as any other. The test of whether or not that wife was in service is the income. Hour for hour they both contributed the exact same amount of time and intention to the marriage.

What's not commonly known is that we all have the same amount of support skills. Some of us use our leadership-communication support-skills to forward others in winning, and some of us, because we have a different set of support skills, unconsciously support others in plateauing (hanging out in mediocrity), and still others are unconsciously driven to support failure, to take as many down with them as possible. The way to tell how you've been using your support skills is to look at the results those around you are producing. Seldom is one aware that they are supporting their spouse/child in failing (doing poorly in health, school, or at work) —from his/her perspective they honestly believe they are trying hard to support success. A 3-hr consultation with a communication-skills coach can reveal whether you are on the way up or down. Keep in mind that very few therapists also have a master's degree in speech-communication; they honestly believe that what they know about communication is communication. I know of no college or university that teaches communication through to a skill level to its education or mental health majors.

If you are thinking about getting married then read: Must have conversations to have with your steady/fiancé.

BTW: The "victim" of an unfair divorce settlement is unaware that they are stuck in lying. They have manufactured all sorts of reasons, none of which is the truth, as to their cause in the matter. They haven't accepted responsibility for masterminding the divorce and its outcome.

For example: It's not that the wife above didn't know up front her husband's position about money and possessions, it's that she refused to discuss such beliefs with him during the engagement so as to be clear, she arrogantly believed that her marriage would be different, that it would work in spite of the statistics. Arrogance begs to be humbled. Notice the word "refused," she did have the thought to bring up the subject and dismissed it, for reasons, underneath which is fear.

Do print out this tip and share it with your partner.

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