How to cause a man to disrespect you

This tip could also be titled, "How to cause your intended (your fiancé) to eventually cheat on you." It refers to the fact that how you handle premarital sex is a predictor of possible infidelity during marriage.* Don't jump to the conclusion that this is a morality/abstinence tip (see below).

To begin with you'll notice that you probably have not read about this subject in any of the relationship "How to ...." magazines. Why the subject is not mentioned is another topic.

Here's how to set it up for a person you're dating, who becomes your spouse, to eventually cheat on you.

Note: Men insert the word "female" where appropriate.

Any man who manipulates you into having premarital sex, without first getting clear where your parents are about you having sex, has a huge character flaw that begs to be caught. This man is on the way down, he has yet to crash and burn; he will take those around him down with him. His definitions of the words responsibility and integrity are grossly inaccurate. The fact that he's willing to con you into deceiving your parents, whom he knows would be upset and hurt, reveals a lot about his character. Such a man will look your parents in the eye and present himself as an honest truthful person. He will use this ability to deceive others on you, the co-conspirator, later. That he thinks nothing of supporting you in deceiving your father, another male, whom he obviously doesn't respect, should be a red flag—for most women it's not. The issue of deception (hiding things/thoughts) from one's parents has become so common that it no longer triggers a daughter's integrity meter. Again another topic.

As your mind reads the above paragraph it might have balked at the word "manipulates." This is a good thing. It's good because you know that in your universe, from your perspective, it is you who manipulates a man to do what you cause him to do to you. For most, the words con and manipulate are harsh words; however, a closer look reveals that you cannot not con (as in convince) or manipulate others. Standing silently in a crowded room you are having an effect. Cons are either mutually beneficial or someone feels used, ripped off, or less than satisfied. Communication mastery is manipulating life and others so that it positively forwards all concerned.

This tip is about respect. A man cannot respect you or himself if he can con you into disrespecting your parents. He may say he respects you but underneath it all, he knows he's found in you an equally dishonest person. More accurately, you cannot respect you if you can con a man into conning you into having sex behind the backs of your parents.

This tip is neither for or against premarital sex. It supports open, honest, and spontaneous communication, zero thoughts withheld for reasons, with one's parents and relationship partners. The ideal is to be able to share the magnificent dating process with your supportive parents.

There's no big ending to this tip. It's self evident. It's just important that you have read it. Your integrity will do what you need to do in support of integrity, of being whole and complete. In truth we set others up to do it to us so that we can learn about responsibility and integrity, so as to know with absolute certainty that the integrity of our partners always always mirrors our own.

And yes, there is a way to clean up life's perpetrations, to include having deceived one's parents. Ask Gabby for support in being complete.

* Read Creating a marriage vow that precludes cheating.

Do print out this tip and share it with your partner.

To post comments, feedback or questions use Gabby's Forum

If you like this tip please press the I like button.