What to do when cheating takes place

The first thing you the reader need to do is, engage the services of a communication-skills coach, therapist, counselor, or, join a self-awareness type support group—attend monthly group meetings/sessions for a minimum of one year. Do this by yourself, not with your partner.

I say "need" because if you keep communicating as you have been, using the same leadership-communication skills that produced this result, you will continue to produce more of the same. Later, when the situation escalates (or more cheating) you will not be able to say you weren't told. In fact, to not get outside support after reading this will reveal that it is your intention for things to get worse, perhaps to escalate things to physical abuse.

It doesn't matter if you are the cheatee or the cheater, it's your leadership-communication skills that created this problem. What's important is that you tell the truth about your cause in the matter.

Suffice it to say, you have become stuck doing your imitation of communication. You have honestly and sincerely believed that you have been in communication with your partner, yet the results clearly show that what you have unconsciously been up to is to drive them away. This unconscious intention reveals that you both have hundreds of withholds (thoughts of choice you each don't communicate verbally) with the other—for fear of . . .   Worse yet, it reveals that you have not been a safe space for communication to take place.

If you have caused cheating in your marriage it reveals that your wedding vow included the non-verbal (implied) agreement that cheating would be allowed. How do we know? We know this based upon the results your vow produced. Hippy-like, poetic, beautiful sounding, typical church-scripted or self-composed vows seldom contain the essentials to preclude cheating, drugs, and insider trading. Most couples arrogantly ignore the reality that 50% of all marriages end up in acrimonious divorce. This self-righteousness causes communication breakdowns leading to divorce.

If you cannot see that you caused the cheating (if your partner cheated on you and you blame him/her) then what this is really about is that you have unconsciously set up life to complete your education, specifically the subject of responsibility (cause). Once you've mastered communicating responsibly, abusive arguments and cheating simply can't happen.

Between trustworthy couples, couples committed to communicating openly, honestly, and spontaneously, zero thoughts withheld, a mutually co-created verbal fidelity agreement is kept, or, it is renegotiated prior to cheating. What's so is it acknowledges the possibility that each may presently be unconscious. It allows millions of divorcees to make a contribution to the success of your relationship.

An individual who has yet to commit to telling the truth and keeping agreements will unconsciously avoid looking closely at the specific consequences of cheating during courtship and prior to voicing the vows.

It is irresponsible to believe that you will not create cheating again (set it up to be deceived) without extensive communication-skills coaching. Often part of a victim's unconscious intention is to set it up to be deceived (drive their partner into another's arms) so that they have more clout when dividing possessions during the divorce. —Gabby

For an example of a wedding vow that precludes cheating read this Gabby Tip.

For more about cheating and blaming read about Hillary and Bill Clinton, Sara and Bristol Palin, Sandra Bullock and Jessie, Elen and "Tiger" Woods in Potential Rumors.