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Lending or borrowing, a possible set upThroughout each day most of us are relatively unconscious. A friend will ask to borrow a lawnmower, some money, or a car without either of us being aware of all that's involved in responsible borrowing and lending. Similarly, a loving parent will let their teen borrow the family car, honestly and sincerely believing it's an act of generosity, a sign of love, of being a supportive parent. We don't have space here to discuss the why's of a borrower's needs, be it karma or whatever; each instance always begs awareness.* Instead, let's look at some of the variables involved in borrowing or lending, specifically, the considerations and communications that support a responsible outcome. For example: When I borrow anything I must have in mind how I will handle the situation if it breaks (especially if it's old). If I borrow someone's lawnmower I know that things can go wrong. To begin with, I might not be aware of why I've set up life so as to have to borrow. Is my integrity out somewhere? If life hasn't supported me in having my own working, well maintained lawnmower, then what makes me think that my integrity, my karma, will suddenly support me in having the ability to cause things to go perfectly with a borrowed one? Me, I must ask myself, can I afford to buy them a new one, if yes, why not just buy myself a new one? Quite often the answer, as to whether to lend or not, lies in the fact that seldom do borrowers communicate clearly, upfront, how they will handle things if something goes wrong, to include losing their job. Let's use parents and a teen and the family car as an example: Here's what a teen, clearly ready to borrow responsibly, will communicate, in writing, to the parents as he/she asks to borrow the family car for the first time: As we read, "I'm aware that if someone gets badly hurt that it could cost more than your insurance allows and that you could even have to sell the house to pay for medical expenses" it should wake up the teen and cause him/her to realize that it's absolutely irresponsible to borrow anyone's car or to lend anyone a car; it's simply too much to ask/expect anyone to handle a mishap with integrity. Teens have not had enough experiences to know its value and the ramifications of an accident. Love is, supporting a teen in working so as to be able to spend their hard earned money on their own transportation and separate insurance. Matching dollar for their earned dollar works. To lend anything, money or your car, you must envision that it is a gift and that you're willing, and prepared, to accept any and all outcomes without expecting the borrower to pay. To pretend that it's OK will damage the relationship; few know how to handle borrowing with integrity. To let anyone borrow something without this degree of responsibility is to set them up to fail. To lend to someone who can't financially and logistically handle the consequences of it breaking is an irresponsible setup. You get to look good and, you support the borrower in borrowing irresponsibly. * If the borrower is conscious and intends to handle a mishap responsibly they will in fact truly "ask" with a clear space for you to decline without feeling guilty. If they pretend to ask but their request carries with it a hint of disappointment if you say no then they are not asking but manipulating/conning you for which there are undesirable consequences. I.e. Son: "Dad, can I borrow the car?" Dad: "No." And then, the son walks away pouting, trying to make the dad feel badly. Clearly the son was not asking with a yes or no reply being perfectly OK. More to follow. It would be interesting to know the statistics of teen accidents in which the teen had borrowed the car. Last edited 4/22/21 To post comments, feedback or questions use Gabby's Forum. If you like this tip please press the I like button.
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