Communication tip for neighbor's barking dog

 

Your neighbor's barking dog annoys you. You know it must also bother other neighbors yet no one dares to talk with the dog owner, at least not effectively. Why not? You know that talking to the dog owner is the responsible thing to do. You know if you call the police they will ask, "Have you talked to the dog owner?" Again, why haven't you and your neighbors talked to the dog owner?


First, you need to be acknowledged for your intuition and wisdom. You intuit that the mere mention of the subject will at best prompt a meaningless apology and a litany of reasons and excuses and, continued abuse. Still, your non-verbalized  considerations are serving as a barrier to effective communication, to seeing the truth, and to now being the cause of the barking. Let's look at some of these considerations.


Most of your considerations stem from fear. You are afraid that you don't have the communication skills to pull off a mutually satisfying conversation. You are afraid that your pent up anger and resentment might creep into the conversation, especially if the dog owner doesn't respond with sincere apologetic appreciation for your feedback. Perhaps you sense that no matter how polite and diplomatic you try to be, you will most likely trigger abuse (verbal/non-verbal) from the dog owner during the exchange. It's possible you fear retaliation, at best it might turn an otherwise acceptable neighbor into a real/imaginary psychic hexer against you and yours. Pent up considerations serve as barriers to communication. Read on. There is light at the end of the kennel.

Underneath your considerations about approaching the dog owner, underneath the fear, is a natural knowing. You intuit that any conversation, given your present communication skills, will confirm what you suspect, that the dog owner is in fact setting you up. The owner is unconsciously trying to goad you into an abusive argument; then the owner will end up badmouthing you, turning others against you, blaming you for being a complainer. Unbeknownst to even themselves they are using their dog to express their disrespect and contempt. They are hoping someone has the strength and courage to catch them, hoping it will trigger legal action so a judge will order them to get therapy, to get to the source of and disappear the anger. The dog owner is using their "best friend," as a means of drawing attention to their unresolved anger, to teach the owner about space,* and respect, and consideration and how to be a good neighbor.


Do not mistake fear with compassion. Avoiding the issue using "Maybe they don't know" is your fear at work, at best it's denial on your part. All dog owners have the thought at one time, "I wonder if my dog barks when I'm not home." Immediately following that thought (in the very next second) their contempt takes over and they consciously choose to disregard your serenity. Supporting disrespect is not compassionate. Do not be fooled by their "nice act." Most all abusers enroll a select few with whom they act nice and polite; this satisfies their mind that because some people like them (even a new spouse) they must be OK.


One answer as to why you haven't talked to the dog owner is that you sense it's hopeless. You know that talking won't stop the barking. You know the barking is only a symptom of another enormous problem. You already know that you don't inspire consideration, and, that you don't have the leadership-communication skills to pull off a mutually satisfying conversation. Therefore, you've decided to handle the problem by not handling it. Pacifists, those addicted to non-confrontation, live with the thought that they are better than . . . .  This holier-than-thou thought triggers anger in others; it can in some instances lead to silent support by "good" people of the pacifist's demise.


You might think that the best you can do is Zen away the noise and send "love bombs" in their direction, however, there are two other things you can do.


The first thing you can do:

 

Clip/copy this article and find a way to get it to the dog owner. Once a dog owner reads this it will anchor the problem in his/her mind so that when he/she hears their dog barking (which by the way they usually don't hear anymore) it will trigger a reaction; it will in fact affect his/her own serenity, whereas before they chose to go unconscious, now they will have to consciously choose to disturb you and the neighbors. The karma of consciously choosing to be abusive has ever-expanding undesirable consequences; it will begin to effect their health even more. At some level they really are loving and would not choose to upset another.


This article is a safe way to communicate your considerations. The fact that you will deliver it anonymously communicates clearly that you were afraid to discuss it with them in person. It communicates your disappointment that you don't yet deserve their respect. It also lets them know that you are working on developing your communication skills so as to inspire harmony and tranquility in the neighborhood. It might take a few months for them to act upon it so be patient.


The second thing you can do:
 

Use the opportunity to discover what this is about for you, why would you be creating this? Who in your life would say that you have been, or are being abusive? In what way does the neighbor mirror your own contempt/disrespect for another or others? Can you choose to have the dog bark for as yet some unknown reason in support of enlightenment?

 

* Few parents or teachers cover the topic of personal space. With TV and radios and barking dogs, personal space is 50% of the distance between you and another. If your sounds intrude into another's space (if they can hear your sounds) then you are being  abusive, at best you have been unconscious. To continue abusing another after reading this will have continued undesirable karma.


You may copy this article providing you include the author's name. -Kerrith H. (Kerry) King

 

Last edited 12/11/20

 

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