Value

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Kerry
Posts: 429
Joined: Sat Aug 31, 2002 8:01 pm

Value

Postby Kerry » Mon Dec 30, 2013 4:02 pm

This message originally posted on Messsage Drop by Muse was moved here by Kerry


Begin Muse's message:

by muse » Sun Dec 29, 2013 5:55 pm

Kerry,

Thank you. I have really enjoyed reading your tutorials. I found your site by following a google search for wife never apologizes and read dear Gabby # 118. Upon reading other letters I realized that your stances on many issues were unexpected. In your process the communicator takes on more responsibility for making his message clear. I like this much better than the communication model I was taught (its their fault if they didn't listen). I also particularly appreciate the lies/lying tutorial as I have been catching myself almost doing my "impression of an agreement". Anyway thanks...I'm hoping to do the couples clearing process with my wife soon.

-Muse

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Kerry
Posts: 429
Joined: Sat Aug 31, 2002 8:01 pm

Re: Value

Postby Kerry » Mon Dec 30, 2013 4:05 pm

Hi Muse,

I moved your Message Drop "Value" post here so that I/we can reply to it. The Message Drop is for comments or feedback that don't require or warrant a reply.

Thank you for the nice acknowledgment.

You've demonstrated an exemplary ability to follow the instructions, however, your post today reveals that you are not in present-time (see below*). —in other words, what would work is five more clearings in a row. Perhaps you've read—". . . workshop facilitator trainees are required to do 60-hours of clearings in support of being in present-time." I could tell you how I know that you're not in present-time but that would prevent you from discovering it on your own, (as in giving one the answer to a koan such as, "What is the sound of one hand clapping?"). Mo betta you discover it.

Re: Unexpected "stances." My Dear Gabby alternate replies to advice columnist letter-writers are written to the specific letter-writer; many readers find them "unexpected" because they don't have the exact same problem so my reply doesn't apply to them, or it does and the truth upsets them because they aren't ready for it. I'm very pleased that of the 50-plus other Internet Dear Gabby websites mine has remained listed first in Google for over 10 years.

* Re: "In your process the communicator takes on more responsibility for making his message clear." Nope. One can't take "more" responsibility. One either accepts responsibility (which by definition is 100%) or, they are using their own definition of the word. Although you've read "about" the various tutorials, some of which include the definition of the word responsibility that we use throughout the tutorials, you used the word "more" which reveals you are still unconscious. My experience from your clearings is that you still have perps and withholds that you haven't shared, that you are not conscious, in present time. Unacknowledged perps are still clouding your mind. One clue is that the clearing instructions asked for your firsts, and you would post what I first took to be a first, but in a subsequent post you'd post another first, so I never got a sense that you were revealing a first lie, a first theft, etc. It's OK because if you haven't shared your first lie, you'll set up life to recall it. To this day I still recall perps I've never remembered before, even after thousands of clearings. They appear when it's time. A support group client-friend of mine and I have been meeting every other week for over 20 years; we begin each 3-hr session with a clearing—most perps are the recent ones however we still discover childhood ones we've hidden from ourselves. What triggers memories of childhood perps is that we find that we've unconsciously set it up for someone to do something to another or "to us" that we did to another earlier, something we haven't acknowledged even to ourselves. BTW: My friend is the nicest, most honorable, person I know; he's presently working on his doctorate at Cornell.

Re: "I'm hoping to do the couples clearing process with my wife soon." This can be tricky.*** If you have any sense at all that she would decline your invitation then don't invite her. That is to say, you could be setting yourself up to discover that you have no intention to remain married. Also, she would first have to do The Clearing Process so that she would be relatively complete. She needs to have an intention to have the relationship work. We don't know what we're intending her intention to be. Have we been unconsciously masterminding a divorce? We'll know in five years what our intention is today. For your invitation for her to do The Clearing for Couples to work you must envision all possible outcomes (so that you can choose for any outcome to be your idea) so that she has space to choose to remain married or not. For example: If I ask** a woman out I must have in mind that a "No thanks," the alternative, be equally fun, that TV that night will be equally great. Zero disappointment. In that way I'm not unconsciously conning her into a mercy date. In other words, if you sense she will decline your invitation then you already suspect that she would not complete the five clearings. My sense is that had you invited her to do The Clearing Process at the very beginning of the relationship she most likely would have accepted your invitation, back when you both believed you intended to remain married.

Here's intending a perfectly appropriately prosperous, healthy, loving new year for us all,

with aloha,

Kerry

** http://www.comcom121.org/phpBB/viewtopic.php?f=5&t=654]A tip about asking

*** Tricky meaning: If you invite a loved one to do a clearing or a tutorial it can come across as a covert make-wrong; it can imply, "You're the one that's screwed up—you need more help than I do." In other words, an invitation can trigger upset. The fact that you discovered the clearing/tutorial can mean you know that you need help or it could mean that you were looking for help for them, your partner. That they aren't inviting you to do some relationship expanding activity could mean that he/she doesn't think there's anything wrong with them but that what's wrong is all your fault. Worse, it could be that you've set it up for them to be planning a divorce and therefore, in their mind, nothing will improve the relationship. Not tricky—if you're certain that they will say yes to your invitation.

PS: Check back from time to time for edits


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