Hi gregorys90 ,
Re: “It has come to the point were your comments have come to fruition.” I don’t know what comments you are referring to, and, thank you for the nice acknowledgment.
Re: “As an incoming freshman he wouldn't commit to my education . . .” This is referred to as a blame statement. As opposed to, [I didn’t have the communication skills to enroll him in supporting my want.]
Re: “. . . for fear of drop out . . .” Not so. This is just a reason, it’s what your mind believes to be the truth, however, underneath your reasons is the truth. The mind tends to blame another when it’s not clear about its intentions.
Re: “. . . also my step mother was just against me going to school for an attempt at revenge . . .” Again, another lie. Even unconscious lies have undesirable consequences. Also, it’s another blame “victim” statement. What did you do, or not do, that caused her to thwart you?
Re: “, (she was happy I didn't pass a placement exam . . .) Another lie. I assure you she was not happy even if she acted happy.
Re: “. . . He lectured me on the way to school.” Another blame statement. When someone starts lecturing me I stop them and remind them that it doesn’t feel good. In other words, I put a stop to it immediately, else I’ll end up blaming them for lecturing. Another, more powerful way of putting it is, [I set him up to lecture me so that I could make him wrong.]
Re: “. . . telling me how horrible my mom was . . .” Here you were empowering him in badmouthing another. You unconsciously intended it so that he didn’t turn his anger against you. i.e. [Dad, please stop trashing mom. It doesn’t feel good.]
Re: “. . . I'd "the things i'd tell you when your older" This is a condescending statement, as though you’re not capable of understanding . . . Your dad was/is addicted abuse and to controlling and blaming. He was unconsciously hoping you would stop him. He had no choice but to act that way, probably still doesn’t; just as you have no choice but to find fault with him, it's a computer-like program
Re: “Frankly I don't respect him.” This is the most significant com of your post. Have you told him precisely that, "Dad, I don't respect you." I mean verbally, not non-verbally as you have been doing, self-righteouslyjudgmentsng your judgements.
Re: “I'm considering withdrawing from his support for school if he doesn't change or apologize to all that he has hurt and thats a long list.” I get your consideration, however, know that he can’t change, not with you in his life. Yobehaviore that his behaviour is acceptable. He pays you (your tuitions) so that you will keep interacting with him. You compromise your integrity by conning him into financing your education. My sense tells me that all that you will “learn” in school, via his guilt payments, will have to be relearned but on your own dime—unless you already intend to repay his loan with interest.
Re: “Additionally what his character is and what he has done doesn't help either (adultery, compulsive about pornography, relationships with others..). It would work for you to learn quickly that you are everyone, that which you can’t own as being you will come to haunt you. As an orphan I self-righteously promised myself to never ever leave my son without a father (making my own parents wrong) only to later divorce his mother leaving him to grow up without a father. The same goes for positions about fidelity and drugs. As Pogo said, we have met the enemy and we is dem. What we’re talking about is compassion; but it can’t come through understanding, such lessons are learned by making the same mistakes.
Re: “I'm not alone my half brother and sister nearly twice my age are in the same position with him. I spoke to them and they say confronting him won't work, they have tried;” "Tried" yes, because neither had any intention to resolve the issues. They too are stuck in blaming self-righteousness.
Re: “My sister said when he gave her some money she felt like that was his compensation for his actions . . .” This called trashing another—unless you know she has verbally communicated the same to him. It's also a blame statement.
Re: “. . . it was about time; she deserved it.” She’s stuck believing she’s entitled.
Re: “Do I?” Either way it doesn’t matter, it will assuredlyut as it will, most assurendly faster without you. What we can predict with considerable certainty is that if you continue using the same "Adversarial" communication model you’ve been using (coincidently the very same one your entire family uses) you’ll simply produce more of the same.
First thing you have to be willing to acknowledge is that you’ve been lying to yourself, saying that you don’t want abuse in your life. Each day I have a choice, H,mm, let’s see, shall I once again interact with _____ whom I know to be abusive or shall I hang out with someone who's loving and who admires and respects me? My point being, you've lost your ability to choose, consequently you’re addicted to abusing and being abused. Your Dad hasn’t destroyed enough relationships yet to be motivated to heal and it hasn’t cost you enough (in terms of aliveness and happiness, your very health) to be motivated to choose to have abuse-free relationships.
You might get value from The Water Pump Story
and Responsible Estrangement