Hi CeCe:n n Thanks so much for doing the clearing, and for choosing to create value from doing it. You could, at times, have the thought that I assign you clearings just for kicks, or whatever, however, I assure you I primarily do so to reinforce for you (to give you the direct experience) that whenever there is a breakdown in communication between you and another, if your integrity is in, if all your conscious perps and withholds are acknowledged, (especially the withholds with family and friends), if all your debts are being handled to everyone’s satisfaction, then it’s always an out-integrity with the other person. In the space of integrity between two things work. A breakdown is their covert way of setting it up to get acknowledged for something. Sometimes it could be that you haven’t thanked them for…; it's not always that you haven't ack'd their most recent lie or abuse, and of course it's that also. And, for certain the first place to look is within. Ultimately I am responsible for the breakdowns between us. Still, between us the agreement is that you look first.
You can trust that while you are looking I am also. I clear for about an hour daily with the VP of ComCom and twice a month we meet for up to three hours in an ongoing support group. We’ve been doing this without so much as a late support group start-time or an unexcused absence for over 11 years. I’ve noticed that if I share with a participant where my integrity was out that caused a breakdown, they most often have no choice but to use it against me later. For example: If I shared with you that what came up for me subsequent to this last breakdown between you and I was a memory of me getting angry and hitting my wife, it could/would remain in the back of your mind. You’d simply have to choice but to refer to it in the future. The diff between myself and most others is that I've been playing this game for 30 years, I’ve either heard or done it all, so very few things trigger shock or upset anymore as they used to. I know with certainty that your thoughts are mine, that you are me and I am you. As Werner Erhard, the founder of est used to tell employees, [the only way you’ll destroy your relationship with me, the one sure fire way to get fired, is to withhold any thought from me. It’s your withholds that get in the way of clarity, appropriate communication, and the experience of love and support.] n n Re: “I reacted from immature emotions.” That’s a judgement on your part. Emotions are emotions. It doesn’t work to label them or to withhold them for reasons. It’s the communication of them that releases the charge, and, if necessary, creates space for feedback so as to preclude them from popping up again. Your biggest pitfall with me would be you thinking I get bored hearing your stuff. To me it’s music, all’s well in the world. When I don’t hear your lies and perps I know with certainty that you have lapsed into your old communication model. What’s also true is when I don’t hear you acking having cleaned up life’s perps that you’ve shared with me, then I know that you’re not committed to cleaning up the messes, which for me means I’ll be listening to more of the same problems rather than new ones. It also lets me know that I can’t yet trust you to clean up stuff with me.n n Re: “I have been making the effort to stop myself,” Yah, this doesn’t work. What works is to simply notice it and communicate it to me as you just did. You say what you say and I give you my feedback. No one needs to change or do things differently, and, what’s so is you will find yourself automatically producing different more desirable results. If for example you were on purpose with whatever your purpose in life is, your communications with me would be all about how to get an appointment with your Governor, or how to have more people show up to your meetings—in other words, you simply wouldn’t have time to be having thoughts of self-doubt. When you don’t give the mind a worthy game it invents one it’s familiar with.n n Re: “, specifically when I tell a family member something negative about my boyfriend, and then I turn around and tell my boyfriend something negative about my family member.” Although it might be embarrassing, your realization indicates that you are in fact playing the enlightenment game. Millions of people do the same thing daily and can’t yet see themselves doing it so they never get the opportunity to consider cleaning things up, and certainly never get to choice in the now. I say, “consider” because that’s where you are now. You're looking at the awesome amount of things (especially withholds) you’d have to be willing to clean up and ack to each, and seeing what the consequences would/will be. “Seeing” is incorrect the word is “creating.”n n Re: “I have created this spark of animosity between them, with me right in the middle.” Yup. Very powerful of you. Once you get to the source of your anger with each of them (what you need to say to each) you can communicate it responsibly, verbally, and then get on with life. Until then, they can’t heal with you in their life.n n Re: “...that I might even be addicted to creating stress in my life, feeling bad about myself, feeling angry towards others, and generally thinking negatively.” That would feel much better if you got rid of the word “think,” yet it’s not so for you yet, so I get it. You need to communicate the specific angers the specific incidents. Each incomplete contains lie.n n Re: “I write about my boyfriend, Johnny alot.” Is this relationship working for you?n n Thanks,n Kerry