Here's my reply to your above post. Kerry
I've deleted your post requesting the next part. Somewhere the instructions should read, ". . . please don't post again until I've replied." We'll both know when we're ready for the next part.
It takes intention to recreate (get) the tut’s definition of resp because the mind assumes that responsibility has something to do with blame. Not. And, there are no parts for others to take; responsibility is 100% —it's always always me, my results. Like most, I'm addicted to blaming but with time (most often within a single conversation) I can be trusted to look and see how I caused a result. It's abusive of me to blame another (non-verbally making them wrong) for being rude/irresponsible, given I'm the one who chooses to hang around such people. It's referred to as a setup. I put my hand in a rattler's den (setting it up for it to bite me). I know this will happen yet I do it. What's my motivation? For certain I get to be right, that I'm the nice one because at least I don't bite. Remember, all education majors (and parents) are taught the adversarial communication model, few have been introduced to any other communication model and so they have no choice but to communicate as they do.
Re: “However, I don't agree that when all of the blame turns to you and others aren't held responsible for their actions or thier [sic] part of the problem.” This para reveals that you were unconscious when you wrote it, evidenced by the word “you.” It is in fact a knee-jerk reaction, an argument, to be right and to make another wrong. A responsible (awake) person would have written, "I see now that I set it up for others to blame me; I don’t know what it is about my leadership-communication skills that produces this result.” They are in fact mirroring your addiction to blaming. They have absolutely no choice but to react to your lead.
Re: ". . . others aren't held responsible for their actions." Stated responsibly it would read: "When I'm unwilling to acknowledge a broken agreement or a perpetration effectively (in such a way as to effect a positive outcome). Usually I make something more important (I compromise my integrity) rather than telling the truth to someone who can effect change."
You talk about your problem(s) in generalities, “personal experiences,” “throwing others under the bus.” Be specific, describe a recent incident. * “I said . . .” then, “she said . . .” etc.
Re: “. . . throwing others under the bus.” Another way of looking at the effects of your present leadership-communication model is that you reward behaviors that should be brought to light for all to see, else they keep producing undesirable results. Silence not only condones—it's cause. Would you, as a supervisor, want an employee who observes perpetrations but remains silent thereby covertly thwarting your intentions for your org?
Re: “I feel.” Responsibility has nothing to do with feelings. Responsibility is a point of view, a mental activity, a thought. One can't feel a thought. One has a thought or experiences the effects of a thought or a communication.
* Actually, it would more efficient (time-wise) if you recalled the very first blaming incident in your life and describe it here. All the subsequent incidents having to do with blame have been generated from that first incident because there’s a lie in the way you have been remembering it; you’re still blaming someone for something you started.
PS. Within each school there is a wannabe teacher who has received an award for being ". . . best . . ." What's not easily seen is that that teacher is stuck-in-the-process-of-becoming-a-teacher. They sit in the teacher's lounge and listen to (condone-cause) the badmouthing of students and parents. They observe fellow teachers performing poorly, judging them silently (delivering their thoughts non-verbally) thereby causing everyone to keep producing more of the same. They get to look better-than at the expense of the students. A "teacher" impacts everyone positively including fellow teachers and parents. There can be no failing students in a school in which there is one teacher.