I trust you're aware that I offered the free feedback because I know that you and I went through “Hell Week” so I know you're capable of getting all kinds of communications and not quitting.
Re: “I am ending this communication.” I got that you're having an upset. However, your reply doesn't say what the first sentence was that upset you. That thought, that specific sentence, is what's referred to as an incomplete between us. Although it might look like I'm the one, that it was my thought, that caused the upset, what's true is the first sentence that upset you is a reaction to an earlier and similar interaction with another, someone whom you also dumped because you didn't like what they said. The challenge is to recall that incident, it presently serves as a barrier between you and the experience of communication, especially with your articles. The incident could be difficult to remember because your mind won't want to acknowledge that you treated that person abusively. A simple communication to that person, saying, “I got that I self-righteously blew you off and that it didn't feel good” will create space in your life to manifest your stated intentions.
For example: You were reading along and all of a sudden something I wrote upset you. That sentence is where we're stuck. It's not just that it triggered upset, it also triggered anger. You've been unconsciously dragging your first such incident, with its anger, into every interaction you've had since then, affecting all outcomes (with everyone) throughout your life. A conscious person can see it on your face. That's what happens when you have an incomplete; it serves as a barrier to the experience of communication between you and everyone else. You'll have no problem talking small talk with others, however, an astute conscious person will intuit that there are some topics they just can't mention around you except that you'll get upset, argue, invalidate them, make them wrong, and shut down.
A person who is clear (one who can converse on any subject without getting upset) will know in a nano-second to not mention certain subjects with you. It's an aura thing that you carry around; they don't know exactly what it is, just that you're bound up. Most importantly they'll know that it would be best to not interact with you because you're not yet committed to mastering communication, that you're stuck in “warrior,” and that there's no commitment to going through to mutual satisfaction.
In communication coaching jargon your, “I'm ending this communication” is referred to as playing take-away. You produced a result, your article, and then when you elicited feedback you shut down, taking your marbles and running away. In this case your article is a dump. You dumped beliefs in other's space without first running it by another for accuracy and gettability.
You should have written, "Kerry, I'm willing to read anything as long as it feels good and doesn't conflict with my views." Shutting down communication is called control—it's tantamount to hitting someone (with your words) and running away. Such behavior keeps others (including me) incomplete. It's not only rude, it's abusive. I say rude because if we were at a reunion and you said something and I just turned and walked away, you wouldn't feel good; it's rude to start a conversation and walk away. If you disagree with a sentence I said, say exactly which one, the specific sentence, not a humongous generalization, "I'm ending ..." (which implies that you disagreed with every sentence). It will require some critical thinking on your part. My feedback is designed to generate thoughts outside the box of usual conversations. Once you allow my feedback to sink in you'll find yourself writing and communicating more clearly, and, manifesting favorable results.
If you're going to kick someone in the balls, at least tell them exactly why, and, most importantly, rather than shun them for life, give them a way back into your life. For me with you it's simply that you're willing to be in open, honest, and spontaneous communication with me, zero thoughts withheld. Werner Erhard (est
Training) would tell prospective employees, I'll paraphrase, "You can hit me, cheat me, lie to me, badmouth me, or steal from me, all such interactions can be completed through communication; the only reason I'd fire you is if you say, "I don't want to talk about it." Such is the power of control. It comes from fear of discovering that what you know and believe might not be true.
If you look you'll be able to find the first person who you treated this way, most likely it was a parent. That's the incident, the incomplete, that you don't want to look at. If you ask that person what it felt like for you run away from a conversation they'll tell you it didn't, and still doesn't, feel good. That incomplete runs you to this very day.
Another problem that gets generated by quitting our conversation is that it will be a never-ending-challenge for you to not communicate unfavorably about me to others. To do so would be badmouthing. Worse yet, if/when another does the same to you, you won't be certain whether it was karma—a consequence of how you treated me. This is a pattern we all have, of finding/manufacturing something wrong with others and keeping them at arm's length for life, and, of turning others against others (collecting agreement of how stupid, how arrogant, crazy or whatever), as opposed to becoming one with the other. Once all thoughts have been communicated between two all that's left is the experience of love.
Do you suppose that others who read your article had thoughts/feedback similar to mine but intuitively knew better than to offer you feedback? Who else in your life has determined that there is no space for communication to take place with you, that your mind is solidly made up with no room for opposing points of view, someone you've similarly dumped? Here's some help in locating incompletes
such as unacknowledged teen perpetrations/abuses.
Do show this thread to your partner/spouse—experience tells me the resulting conversations will be of value to you both.
PS. Check back from time to time, I usually reread my posts and make minor edits/corrections. (last edited 5/20/11)