Thank you for sharing.
I got your disappointment and unhappiness about not being eligible to do the abuse tutorial.
Re: “…why on earth …?” Each therapist/counselor/coach has his her own methods and protocols. It doesn’t work to mix methods/philosophies. When hiking, it's best to have one person be in charge of the compass. If you get lost have someone else be in charge of the compass. Our tutorials are not therapeutic or about getting better, merely a series of conversations—the truth always works.
I take it you don’t belong to a church. I find the cause for many problems has to do with a person’s integrity. At some point in time they stopped using their church as the source of guidance thereby sabotaging their relationship with their pastor, priest, Rabbi, etc. The premise being, that it is unethical to belong to a church and then sabotage it by not following its precepts and teachings, not availing themselves of the spiritual leader’s counsel. Better to tell the pastor (up front to his her face) that the relationship (including praying and their relationship with God) is not working and that you are unenrolling, or taking a recess, so that you can try other paths. In other words, if a parishioner won’t go to their pastor/priest/Rabbi and instead go behind his/her back to a therapist, it sabotages their spiritual leader. To not tell a pastor that it (the church) isn’t working, it’s not producing happiness, produces undesirable consequences. We recommend that participants arrange for a recess from their church to do the tutorial, or, immerse themselves in the precepts of their church.
Many therapy relationships fail because the client and the therapist are not aligned; they have different definitions of words such as responsibility, abuse
, and lying
Re: “…a sign of control, to me.” Yes. Communication requires that you be willing to control and surrender alternately each second with any conversation. When you surrendered to your mother she got you across the street safely. Once you knew how to do it you no longer needed her. If the way you have been communicating/relating isn’t producing the results you say you want then you find yourself of a facilitator and surrender control until you can.
Have you told your Loss and Abandonment group members that you’re looking elsewhere for help because the relationship isn’t working as well as you expected?
P.S. Keep checking back. I sometimes make minor edits or add a thought.