Re:Icons No,they were added automatically

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abc123

Re:Icons No,they were added automatically

Post by abc123 » Sat Nov 23, 2002 12:12 pm

(see: subject)

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Kerry
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Re: Re:Icons No,they were added automatically

Post by Kerry » Sat Nov 23, 2002 12:30 pm

Hi abc123:n n Thanks,n n Kerry

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Kerry
Posts: 422
Joined: Sat Aug 31, 2002 8:01 pm

Re: Re:Icons No,they were added automatically

Post by Kerry » Sat Nov 30, 2002 12:51 pm

I received the following e-mail from abc123. It is posted here for everyone to benefit from.n n ----- Original Message ----- n From: abc123 n Sent: Saturday, November 30, 2002 2:25 PMn Subject: abc123 gives up - see belown n I didn't realize this was going to be so whacky. I have multiple personality disorder so I can't remember those types of instructions without writing them down first. Guess I failed.n n Hi abc123:n n Re: your e-mail It is what's referred to as a dump. Threatening to break an agreement with another detracts from everyone's aliveness. It is abusive.n n Re: whacky [sic] Your use of the word wacky is a make-wrong. It is abusive.n n Re: I have multiple personality disorder Another dump. It is unethical to dump this in another's space after you have engaged them in a sustained conversation, especially after making an agreement. It is in fact deceitful. You have conned me into thinking I was relating with a "normal/typical" single personality person. The responsible way to relate with others, until you have completed your experience of "multiple personality disorder," as would one who has aids, is to inform another, up front, so that are warned, and have a choice in the matter. n n The way you are using this disorder is irresponsible. You use it as your reason for threatening to break your agreement. Your reason hides the truth from you. The truth is you experienced upset and confusion, and, instead of getting into communication and asking for further instructions, as directed, you let your mind take over to solve the problem of abuse in your life, the very mind that created the abuse. n n Please do not post here or e-mail me for six months. I will need to hear from you that you have completed twenty-five 50 minute sessions with a therapist or counselor before I'm willing to engage in more conversations with you.n n Note that this required recess does not release you from your agreement with me.n n When you have realized the value from your participation and our conversations thus far, what would work is for you to make a donation to Community Communications. It's what's called anchoring the value, acknowledging the realizations you've experienced via our relationship, so that you don't have to set up life to have it "happen" again.n n Once again, please resist the urge to post a knee-jerk angry response. Choose to experience, to be with, your experience of upset and anger. failed? No. This is all an essential part of your Spouse Abuse Tutorial. n n Thank you.n n With aloha,n n Kerry

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Kerry
Posts: 422
Joined: Sat Aug 31, 2002 8:01 pm

Re: Re:Icons No,they were added automatically

Post by Kerry » Sun Dec 01, 2002 12:28 pm

I received the following e-mail from abc123. It is posted here for everyone to benefit from.n n ----- Original Message ----- n From: abc123n Sent: Sunday, December 01, 2002 6:10 AMn Subject: hmmmmn n I am not angry. But you seem to be controling and I will not engage in another controling relationship. You offer advice at the expence of controling me. n n I am detatching from a codependent relationship where we were both abusive to one another. I didn't know I've been a victim because I have amnesia, but now I have coconsciousness. I'm back in touch with my wise mind and accept responsibility for my role in my past. I am moving forward and refuse to ever be controled by anyone ever again.n n Hi abc123:n n As on a date, "no" means no. No means stop. To persist is assault. It is abusive. It is tantamount to rape. Please stop e-mailing or posting.n n Re: I am not angry. Few readers would agree. Underneath your covert civility is upset and anger that got triggered from being told exactly what to do and how to do it (instructions). Your statement is what's referred as being-in-denial. It doesn't work to lie. All lies and all truths have an effect, even those you are unaware of. To lie is inconsistent with the results you say you want. Lying begets more abuse.n n You have taken your upset with the instructions and turned it into an attack on me personally.n n Re: But you seem to be controling Notice the unconscious lie. Your use of the word "seem" is more of your "civility act." In my capacity as the Tutorial Coach I am controlling. Remember, it was you who agreed to follow the instructions. No one controlled you into doing so. It was only a matter of time that I would say/do something that would upset you and activate your fight and flight pattern.n n Re: I will not engage in another controling relationship. It’s too late. Notice that you had zero choice but to reply to my feedback. You were automatically driven to get in the last word. I said something that caused you to have to reply. I controlled you. Even though you were asked to not pump out a knee-jerk" reaction, you had zero choice in the matter. I predicted your reaction and supported you in having a choice to resist replying. You are engaged and will be so for life. One cannot not have a relationship. The only choice you have is whether or not to communicate/disappear your barriers to the experience of love and thereby create a supportive loving relationship, or, to invent reasons not to.n n Re: I didn't know I've been a victim I don’t get this. You have two choices. To live the rest of life lying and blaming others for what you caused them to do to you or to accept responsibility for intending abuse. With the latter the only victims are those you abuse or cause to abuse you.n n Re: You offer advice at the expence of controling me. Notice the absence of responsibility, of cause, in the matter. For you to get up to cause, so as to complete your addiction to blaming, you will have to start looking at these kinds of breakdowns from, "What did I do/say to get Kerry to say what he said? I say I don't want to be controlled yet I manipulated (controlled) a communication-skills coach into controlling me." When you resist being controlled your energies are directed at not being controlled. You become a controller, controlling that which you resist. In truth I will control you for the rest of your life unless you follow the tutorial instructions. Else, each and every time someone breaks an agreement with you, shows up late, doesn't pay you on time, doesn't do what they said they would do, is abusive to you, you will find your self denying that it might be a consequence of your broken agreement with me. You will wonder whether that person, controlling you by keeping you incomplete, is in someway connected to your resistance to being controlled by me. The way out of control is to keep your agreements and be willing to be supported in mastering control, in effect controlling another and others in a way that all concerned win.n n Re: I didn't know I've been a victim because I have amnesia, but now I have coconsciousness [sic] …. and accept responsibility for my role in my past. You were unconscious when you wrote this. It also reveals your ignorance of the word responsibility. If it were true, that you have amnesia, you would not be blaming your ex. Possibly you mean partial/selective-amnesia. In any case, a conscious person, operating from responsibility, would have written, “I didn't know I had been acting the victim, in part because I created having amnesia. Now I no longer have a need to use amnesia as a reason for my actions and the results I produce by how I communicate. I accept responsibility for my creations.” In your drama you write everyone’s role.n n Re: I am detatching from a codependent relationship where we were both abusive to one another. Notice that you covertly blame your partner for 50% (we) of the effects of your leadership/communication model. Also notice your resistance to communicating from responsibility. A responsible person would have written, "I am detaching from a relationship in which I was abusive to my partner and caused them to be abusive to me."n n Re: accept responsibility for my role in my past. I can see why you have resistance to honoring your agreement to complete the tutorial. You believe your survival is dependent upon your definition of the word responsibility. You operate from what’s called the Adversarial Communication Model. Attorneys and those addicted to arguing have no choice but to use this model. People who are stuck using it will argue their 50-50 definition, refusing to acknowledge the effects of their leadership communication model. “We’ll General, I’m partly responsible for losing the battle, but my men are also 50% responsible.” Such is the litany of abusers. They lie and pretend to be victims, conning others into taking sides so that they don’t have to acknowledge their con, to see that they are cause for the abuse. n n I have more feedback about your e-mail however; communication cannot take place when there is no space for communication. In other words, your position shuts down any possibility of mutually satisfying communication between us. You have gone into your reactive - defensive mode, ergo my recommendation (advice) for therapy.n n You have been banned from posting or e-mailing for six months. Upon completion of twenty-five 50-minute sessions of therapy you may e-mail again to continue with the next phase of your tutorial. Further attempts to post or e-mail, before you have met this prerequisite, will be considered harassment. n n It would work for you to notice the anger that comes up when you have been blocked from getting in the last word. It’s how you’ve learned to hit (abuse) others, you goad them into an argument in which they cannot win, make them wrong, and then hit and run. The way to disappear the anger is to choose to experience it as opposed to act upon it.n n Thank you, n n Kerry

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