Communication Breakdowns       —in support of communication mastery Whenever there is a breakdown in communication between two, whenever the results are less than desirable, it can always be traced to one of the following communication variables.   acknowledgments incompletes perpetrations withholds What's mind boggling is that I know of no university speech-communication department that addresses these variables when teaching education majors, yet each of these variables serve as a barrier to communication, to manifesting ones stated intentions. We unconsciously create breakdowns to remind us that we are out-integrity (not whole, not complete), that we are dragging around remnants of prior conversations. These leftovers are referred to as incompletes (prior communications that were not mutually satisfying). Each breakdown gives us an opportunity to restore our integrity, to complete a prior interaction, one in which someone else is also incomplete because of the way we interacted with them.  Our mind becomes clouded with so many incompletes* that we are no longer sharp, we're not in present-time.  Usually our knee-jerk reaction is to blame the other person for the breakdown in communication; in truth, it's never ever the other person. Examples of breakdowns: Supervisor says; "We start work at 8:00 am." The employee is late. Parent says; "Time for homework." The child keeps watching TV. Teacher says; "The homework is . . . it's due Friday." Several students don't hand it in on time. Friend says; "I'll pay you back on payday." They don't. Fiancé says; "Till death do us part." Later they divorce. In each of these examples we see that the results were less than desirable; we see that no one was aware of the incompletes in the space. None meant what they were saying and/or implying; none were telling the truth yet all believed they were. Each agreement-maker had no intention for the agreement-breaker to perform as expected; we know this to be true based upon the results their leadership-communication skills produced. With each incident the agreement-breaker mirrored the integrity of the agreement-maker; the agreement-maker had been dragging around a lifetime of verbally unacknowledged perpetrations into each new conversation. These previous abuses, thwartings, and broken agreements with others, are referred to as incompletes. These incompletes now serve as barriers to the experience of communication, of being in present time. Their integrity was such that they needed to have someone mirror for them their out-integrities, life's unacknowledged perpetrations. All arrogantly still think there are no consequences for their first lie, first abuse, first deception (those that have not been acknowledged and cleaned up through to mutual satisfaction). The agreement-maker (the supervisor, parent, teacher, friend, fiancé) was so unconscious that he/she couldn't tell that the other was unconscious also; both were doing his/her imitation of communication.** The premise being—when one is clear about his/her intention they communicate consistent with manifesting their stated intention, as such the results are always mutually satisfying. It is both irresponsible and unethical to create the illusion of an agreement with anyone not committed to keeping agreements; to do so is to set up the person to fail even more in life. While it's easy to understand that agreement-breakers always pay themselves back; they create their own consequence, if only by creating others to thwart them. What's not commonly known is that there are undesirable consequences for those who create the illusion of an agreement, ergo, few teachers experience joy and happiness throughout the day in part because they are unaware of their cause of the breakdown in communication with the student, for a student not turning in his/her homework neatly and on time. Let's use the above first example of a breakdown, a common one between a parent and child. A parent says, "Time for homework." Later the parent notices that their child is still watching TV. Firstly, we see that the parent had no intention for their child to recreate their intention. We know this based upon the result the parent produced.  The parent had lapsed into doing his/her imitation of communication. Unfortunately the parent blames the child for their (the parent's) failure to cause communication to take place. Unbeknownst to the parent the child had his/her own intention; the child is/was unconsciously drawing attention to the fact that there is an incomplete in the space. Something was occupying the space between the parent and child and so communication couldn't take place until it (the incomplete) is acknowledged and therefore completed. It's important to note that this was not the first time the child didn't "behave." It began with incident number one, an earlier and similar incident, one in which the parent didn't locate the source of (find out what the child was communicating non-verbally). Quite often children dramatize disrespects, upsets, and perpetrations, by misbehaving, thwarting, failing, or even getting sick. When all else fails they enroll their teacher or even the police so as to restore the experience of communication that once was. Dramatization of a perpetration: "Did you brush your teeth?" The child lied and said, "Yes Mom." To this very day the child has yet to be acknowledged (caught) for their first lie. The unconscious mother, having similar incompletes, didn't hear that very first lie; she is unaware of the effects of verbally unacknowledged perpetrations so her child drags around the guilt, sometimes for life. Misbehaving is a child's attempt at recreating the experience of integrity, of communication. Dramatization of an upset: Previously the mother had yelled abusively at her child. The abusive communication triggered an upset. The relationship is said to be incomplete because the mother has yet to acknowledge, to herself or her child, that she knows she communicated abusively. The child knows what it's like to be in-communication with his/her mother and it hasn't happened since the yelling, perhaps even earlier. The child, to draw attention to the incomplete (the absence of the experience of being in-communication), begins to pout and thwart and express an attitude. Using this example we see that the child is unconsciously thwarting the parent. Given that children who are whole and complete are automatically driven to please parents we ask, what is now driving the child to thwart their parent? * It takes someone training to become a communication workshop facilitator about 60 hours (over a period of weeks) to empty his/her mind of life's incompletes. ** Here's more about, imitation of communication. [ top ]		v 1.16   Best viewed with Internet Explorer   Definitions: Mouseover  definitions for elaborations  breakdowns  variables  barriers  intentions  acknowledgments  incompletes  integrity  perpetrations  withholds  more topics Close all Popups Popups by CoolTip
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