It is possible to love another emotionally or conceptually and still be addicted to communicating abusively.

That is to say, you can have the belief that you want your partner to be happy, healthy, and prosperous and also have an unconscious intention to thwart/sabotage/punish them. The proof of your intentions are the results.

What's going on in your relationship right now is what you have been intending, no matter what you believe or what someone else tells you.

There are conversations that will guide you in discovering what you have been up to (intending another's failure) all the while lying/pretending and believing yourself to be an ally, a partner. The tutorial will support you in having these conversations, otherwise, you will continue to produce more of the same.